Why the abuser seems to be the only one to win when nobody does

The person exploiting people is never really held to account.  They serendipitously dodge all manner of challenge.  Even when they are caught up with, they manage to get away with it because they carry on with their created narrative, that has just enough ‘truth’ about it that it leaves people believing “good enough is good enough.”

Of course, ‘good people’ believe them.  These people we might call ‘good enablers’, because abuse only thrives in circumstances where the majority give assent to it, neither wanting to rock the boat nor, in many cases, are they able to see it.

Once we see it, once it’s been done to us, 
however, we cannot unsee it, ever.

Most of the enablers hold to the view of the greater good.  “Why hold someone to account for the little they do wrong, even if those ‘little wrongs’ hurt so few?”  The vast majority of people will allow abusers to do their ‘little wrongs’, because, quite frankly, “Nobody’s perfect,” as if there must be some allowance for a bully to abuse people.

The abuser generally finds some angle to exploit through a self-justified, pull-the-wool-over-their-eyes self-righteousness.  In this very exploitation, there is the plain manner of entitlement.  They are more senior, or they know more, or they know more people, or they have more influence, and they magnify this advantage.  They make maximum use of what they can exploit, when many people would simply shudder at the thought of this kind of manipulation.  And in manipulation there’s zero empathy for the unfortunate.  Those who take advantage are the strong who take what they can while they can—and, ultimately, nobody wins.

The abuser seems to be the only one to win when nobody wins, because a conquest brokered and made is no victory.  When even one person loses out, all lose out, and yet our entire world runs on the folly that if one wins another must lose.

“Someone always comes second... or last.” 

But relationships aren’t a running race or a sporting event.

In the economy of relationships, the only true victories are outcomes where everyone wins.

When we pray “on earth as it is in heaven,” the common goal is at the forefront, and outcomes are always win-win.  And when everyone wins, it’s “on earth as it is in heaven.”

In the faith, the strong are to bear the weak, and it’s only when the strong (those with power to abuse) do this that God’s work is actually being done.  Paul talks about this in Romans 14.  Only when a person has the power to abuse, but they don’t, instead they lead with humility, does everyone win.  This is truly inspiring leadership.

If ever we show contempt for a brother or sister, if ever we take advantage, and we do so routinely by showing scant levels of care—call it ambivalence—we fall short of what we’re otherwise capable of, and we show disdain for the power we hold and for those who rely on us for a fair go.

And yet, just about every Christian leader falls into this trap at some point or other.  We must censure the will that says, “I deserve this” or, “They don’t deserve it” or, “They deserve every bit of [the bad] what they’re getting.”

Those who abuse are found to be those who are in power, who have power to wield, because if there’s no power to wield, there’s only vulnerability.  This is why those who are abused are completely or apparently voiceless.  They may shriek about injustice, but just about everyone pretends they can’t hear when the powerful influencer is the manipulator.  It’s only the prophet who will stick their head up so it’ll be cut off.

Nobody wins when even one person is silently abused through trauma, neglect, alienation, contempt, and any number of other crimes done secretly against a soul.

Nobody wins when it might even seem that everyone wins.

When even one silently suffers, it’s a blight on everyone else, for they either abuse or they standby as witnesses to it.

The least of these, the most vulnerable, and those who stand to lose most, are the greatest in God’s economy, and nobody can dispute this gospel fact.