Guarding the heart from destructive cynicism

There are positive forms of cynicism, but there’s a negative form that’s soul destroying.  The positive forms of cynicism arise in humour and the grasp of reality that refuses to deny issues that must be addressed.

For the rest of this article, I want to presume that we’re talking about destructive cynicism.  What is out of bounds here is any form of targeting those who are battling poor mental health because there’s a certain viable cynicism in depression, for instance.  That’s valid as a normal response to depression that ought not be pathologised.  But the assumption with poor mental health is it’s a season.

Cynicism that marks the character of an individual, that reveals who they are, is corrosive.

Destructive cynicism sucks the life out of relationships, just as it drives the purveyor of it further into the realms of despair—despondency, I might add, that they seem very willing to continue their plunge into.  Even when it’s helpfully identified for them.

Cynicism is absolutely void of hope, but it’s also got a critical spirit about it that leaves creativity and innovation dead in their tracks.  It only takes one cynical remark to quash a good discussion.  It crushes connection.  It pours acid all over hope.  It makes impossible of the possible.

Let’s focus now on the dynamics of cynicism as it’s unveiled in specific relationships:

Cynicism kills marriages because partners just get worn down by the long, wearying drone of negativity as it grinds on and on and on.  Grace is afforded the cynical partner until the day the other says, “Their negativity is suffocating not only our marriage, but it’s crushing me too.  I can’t do it anymore.”

Cynicism ends relationships between parents and grown children—the latter wanting better for their lives and for their kids.  Like the partner who says, “enough is enough,” the adult children of the cynical older parent choose the lesser of two evils—separation from the parent/grandparent in order to preserve their children.

In an adult child tarnished with cynicism, a parent is left wondering what they did wrong.  That’s a guilt that’s hard to erase, especially when there’s cause for it.  Yet, it’s usually the case of a generational trauma that’s set this up in the first place.

Cynicism in the workplace renders possibilities for improvement, efficiency, and effectiveness null.  It’s usually just one team member who embodies the word of death.  Only one destroyer of opportunity-hope is needed to smother hope of positive change.  When people discover they need to not only overcome the problem but overcome the cynic as well, interest to go above and beyond often ebbs away at light speed.

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Cynicism is best prevented by guarding our hearts against it.  If we see negativity creep into our attitudes and behaviours, we’ve got the opportunity to reflect on why we’re getting hard-of-heart.

It’s good to afford ourselves compassion in these instances.  It doesn’t matter if we’ve grown hard-of-heart because it’s usually understandable.  But the opportunity to overcome the cynicism is a crucial one to take.

If we see it in others we care about, we can gently enquire with curiosity and concern, like, “You seem really negative and discouraged about that, are you okay?”  If we don’t feel like we could ask such a question, it’s probably because we know we might get a curt response.

Cynicism can be like a cancer in relationships.  It seeps in and gradually erodes all possibility of connection and life.  There’s hope if it’s wrestled with in truth, but denials or unwillingness to change in the cynic is bad for everyone concerned, and boundaries will be needed.

The key issue surrounding cynicism is it’s an individual responsibility to see how destructive it is in others’ lives.  If a person is disinterested in changing for the sake of the others they supposedly love, they show by their disdain that they lack the love to do their part to hold those relationships together.