5 things that may help us in our grief and trauma

 

There are a plethora of resources and therapies in grief and trauma.

These offerings are given in the spirit of addition, that there may be a nugget of wisdom for one of us.

For me, here are some of the strategies I’ve discovered and adopted:

1.           Memories are a possession that can never be taken from us – whilst there are some memories in trauma we would love to put behind us, our memories of loved ones and of wonderful times are something that can never be taken from us.  Spending time activating these memories and reliving them keeps our lost loved ones and past incredible times alive, and if there is sorrow, we welcome it and are healed by going there.

2.           Practice plain acceptance as we would accept another – sometimes we judge our own responses harshly, especially those that come out of our triggering – those automatic reactions that we don’t even have time to think about or control over.  If only we can extend to ourselves the grace we extend so easily to another people.  If somebody else had done what we’d done, maybe we might empathise with their regret.  We can therefore extend compassion toward ourselves (self-compassion) and forgive ourselves. Seriously, we can let go of those thoughts of anger toward ourselves that so easily rebound and vacillate as anger toward others.

3.           Practice slowing down – especially when we’re prone to being triggered, anger reactions and fear reactions especially, we can just slow down.  When we slow down, we give our minds the chance to catch up.  Slowing down, being more mindful, taking the pressure off ourselves, we give ourselves more poise, more of a chance to respond the right way when challenged.

4.           Nothing is terminal, hold to hope of recovery – there have been times, especially in deep trauma or deep grief, where I’ve lost hope of recovery; it’s a total lack of insight that I’ve sadly seen as so common.  Nothing is a forever thing in grief and trauma, even if we won’t ever shake them completely.  There’s a lot of life to be lived in future iterations of ourselves, even if at times we cannot see it.  That version of you that you may hope for may well not only be achievable, but you may also well exceed such modest goals.

5.           Joy, hope, and peace all coalesce – where you have one of them, you have all three.  Amazingly, when we hit that halcyon of spiritual places, we experience all three in abundance.  The beauty of this is when we’re at peace, we feel hopeful and joyful.  When we experience joy, an abiding peace and a heart full of hope are also there.  When we recognise we’re full of hope, we sense the fullness of a flourishing joy and the prevalence of shalom.