5 things that may help us in our grief and trauma

 

There are a plethora of resources and therapies in grief and trauma.

These offerings are given in the spirit of addition, that there may be a nugget of wisdom for one of us.

For me, here are some of the strategies I’ve discovered and adopted:

1.           Memories are a possession that can never be taken from us – whilst there are some memories in trauma we would love to put behind us, our memories of loved ones and of wonderful times are something that can never be taken from us.  Spending time activating these memories and reliving them keeps our lost loved ones and past incredible times alive, and if there is sorrow, we welcome it and are healed by going there.

2.           Practice plain acceptance as we would accept another – sometimes we judge our own responses harshly, especially those that come out of our triggering – those automatic reactions that we don’t even have time to think about or control over.  If only we can extend to ourselves the grace we extend so easily to another people.  If somebody else had done what we’d done, maybe we might empathise with their regret.  We can therefore extend compassion toward ourselves (self-compassion) and forgive ourselves. Seriously, we can let go of those thoughts of anger toward ourselves that so easily rebound and vacillate as anger toward others.

3.           Practice slowing down – especially when we’re prone to being triggered, anger reactions and fear reactions especially, we can just slow down.  When we slow down, we give our minds the chance to catch up.  Slowing down, being more mindful, taking the pressure off ourselves, we give ourselves more poise, more of a chance to respond the right way when challenged.

4.           Nothing is terminal, hold to hope of recovery – there have been times, especially in deep trauma or deep grief, where I’ve lost hope of recovery; it’s a total lack of insight that I’ve sadly seen as so common.  Nothing is a forever thing in grief and trauma, even if we won’t ever shake them completely.  There’s a lot of life to be lived in future iterations of ourselves, even if at times we cannot see it.  That version of you that you may hope for may well not only be achievable, but you may also well exceed such modest goals.

5.           Joy, hope, and peace all coalesce – where you have one of them, you have all three.  Amazingly, when we hit that halcyon of spiritual places, we experience all three in abundance.  The beauty of this is when we’re at peace, we feel hopeful and joyful.  When we experience joy, an abiding peace and a heart full of hope are also there.  When we recognise we’re full of hope, we sense the fullness of a flourishing joy and the prevalence of shalom.

Carry On, Rewardless

How does life work?  How are we to operate in this life?

I’m preaching on Psalm 37 tomorrow, and it seems to me, like always, God is reading my heart and causing me to ‘live’ this message as much as I want to extend it out to others.

Not everyone is against us in this life,
and much of the time it’s nobody.

We might feel like there’s this person or that person who ‘exist’ to make our life tough.  We give them far too much credit.  Their reality is far more in themselves than we realise.

And then there’s the situation of ‘life’ itself making our life hard, or perhaps it’s ‘God’ or ‘the universe’, that seems hellbent on blocking our goals, making our life a misery.

How are we to reconcile all these matters,
to live peacefully and peaceably in this world?

We could simply
carry on, rewardless.

I first learned of this concept this past week.  “Carry on, rewardless” is a humorous, tongue in cheek, way of twisting “Carry on, regardless.”  I chuckled when I first heard it from one of the firefighters I have the privilege of working with.  I enjoy firey humour.

Beyond the intention of the humour (the insinuation that there isn’t ever reward), there is so much to be gained in this life, pondering and living such wisdom.

Rewardlessness is a golden and unbeatable concept.

We are held to ransom by the concept of reward.

What if we work and we miss the goal?  We work for a particular reward, and that reward eludes us.  We are left disappointed.

There is power for life beyond disappointment, to a place where we are beyond being disappointed.  Where despondency is no longer possible.  Where every sense for entitlement to happiness (striving to be happy) is relegated as an insufficient wisdom.

Or perhaps there’s the opportunity
to reframe the concept of reward.

At its most basic level, if we can imagine the concept of life itself as the only reward we’d ever want, we already HAVE our reward.  

Do you see the wisdom in being content in what we already have? 

Especially in that which cannot be taken from us.  As a Christian, nobody and nothing can take my salvation from me, and indeed we can see how, from the Christian worldview, it’s all any of us needs. 

If we can be happy without needing to be ‘rewarded’
for anything or with anything,
that right there is the wisdom that’s possible in this life.

Carrying on rewardless is an attitude carried in our heart and in the front of our mind, with joy, with hope, and with much peace.  Nothing can truly disappoint us in this mindset.