The darkness of the depressed descension

The darkness descends with no announcement but its very presence.  

Suddenly out of nowhere, the mind vacuous somehow, the body emptied of energy, the spirit bereft of the purpose to exist.   

Nobody can discount the enigma of the depressed descension; it confounds ‘the best of us’.  Indeed, the times we most think we’re beyond its ravages is the time we may be most vulnerable.  

Like loss and grief, depressed moments, and clinical depression, are respecters of no persons.  I’ve met 50-year-olds who were stunned when they plummeted for the very first time into the abyss of a mental health crisis.  

I normalise it here for you.  You are one-in-two.  50 percent of people will suffer some form of depressed descension in this day.  And we can think of it as a gift even if it’s terrible.  

It’s a gift because it opens our eyes to the horror of debilitation, to the presence of despair despite the apparent hope all around us.  Once our eyes have been opened to these horrors it piques the conscience of our sensibility.  Compassion comes alive in us!  

Think of a world where every single human being is blessed with the gift of compassion.  What a beautiful world that would be.  It is better to be compassionate than not be.  

But that is not our world, and at times it can be something other humans do that disrupts our spirit, triggering us.  There are just as many times when we’re perplexed and have no rationale for why we feel the way we do.  Be validated, this is normal, and no amount of searching will uncover it until we make meaning of it at a later stage.  

Peace can seem impossible amid the battle.  The more we let go and let God, the quicker peace re-enters our life.  The wisdom of lament advises us to divest the frustration and anger and invest in the truth of how we feel — it’s sorrow or fear.  

If we can go to our sorrow and face it as it is, nothing will overcome us.  Nothing overcomes us when we accept this state we, in this moment, cannot change.  

The depressed descension is a horror to our anticipation.  If we can sit with it, pour out our heart, surrendering to it, we may more easily rise out of it.  

Go gently with yourself, gentle soul.  Fret not, it only takes us to darker places.  Get some support around you, and reach out to Him who hears your soul cry.  

When Failing Is Succeeding

None of us plans to fail.  None of us likes to fail.   But fail we will!  

We know that striving for success inevitably leads us to deplore ourselves when we fail.  

We cruel ourselves in fear, guilt,
and shame when we fail.

One of the greatest gifts of growth in life is when we’ve let go of our perfectionism — suddenly we’re able to experience the simplest joys from our work.  They are suddenly within reach when we’re not looking for the problems within it.  

And when we lower our standards of ourselves,
we lower our standards of others,
and we are more loving and less judgemental.  

In recent days, I’ve performed several public speaking roles, moderating a panel at a conference, awarding an award at a ceremony, preaching a sermon at church, delivering an ‘industry address’ at the Governor’s Chaplaincy Awards.  Whilst I did all these speaking tasks capably, the way they were delivered was far from perfect.  Would I have liked to have done them better?  Yes, but… I think it’s more important to lead in not being perfect — to show people there is dignity in part failure.

I’m comfortable with being conspicuously average or even under par — because I’m not perfect and never will be.  I even catch myself giving the chase for perfection away — it’s a beautifully freeing thing to do.  

If I’m not good enough for some people and situations, so be it.  Why should it bother me?  If it did bother me, I’m sure I wouldn’t be capable of doing what I do because my increased anxiety would get the better of me.  

Here is a paradoxical thesis for you:
FAIL and do so with joy.  

I’m not suggesting you fail at anything that hurts others, but fail at something that bruises your ego.  

When we achieve this, we have put one of our fears into the shade and it no longer has any power over us.  We can allow ourselves the imperfections due to any human being.  

If we can understand and forgive failure in ourselves,
we can understand and forgive failure in others.  

~~~

The problem with perfectionism is we can NEVER achieve it.  

It sits ever there on the horizon, five kilometres away, always promising to be seen but impossible to reach.  What folly to chase it like the wind.  

Better by far to go gently with ourselves in conspicuous moments of failure that reveal themselves to us in guilt or shame.  

Here’s a practice for you: fail.  Yes, you saw that word and noticed it’s a verb.  You can DO it.  Again, I’m not suggesting you fail at anything that hurts others, but something that hurts your ego.  

Fail well and we show humility — a much prized character trait.  

Let the cards fall where they will, and then experience the power of living without that fear.  

So when is failing succeeding?  When we can consistently forgive ourselves in failure we are successfully living with more joy and freedom.