Be true to your emotions. That’s the invitation of the Bible.
Indeed, facing our emotions, being truthful about how we feel, is the first important step in healing grief, trauma, and mental, emotional, and spiritual pain of any kind—yes, it’s essential if we ever wish to “consider it pure joy when we face trials of any kind,” as James 1:2 puts it.
The vast majority of the verses in the psalms are tearful laments; even those who finish with joy ordinarily have shards of pain uttered within.
So, when sad, we ought to BE sad.
There are times in every week, certainly every month, of my life where I’m inexplicably sad—in an otherwise blessed life. I have learned to pray the psalms, that is to read them aloud, to add some of my own words to the lines, to bring meaning to what I feel.
Even if that doesn’t “fix” me, and typically it doesn’t, I know that crying out to God in tearful, groaning lament is how I connect with the Divine.
Such a faith as a lament to tearfully utter my sorrow before God, I know is the activator for a healing that ordinarily comes the following day—when perspective and hope return.
One of the keys to humility, according to Dallas Willard, is to refuse to pretend. That means I must be honest about how I feel if I’m to reconcile it and turn sorrow to a deep joy—even in the midst of circumstances that cannot, for now, be changed.
The miracle of a well-placed truthful lament is the healing that psalms like Psalm 51 exemplify. David starts out spiritually broken having betrayed his God. He finishes that psalm in the 17th verse restored spiritually—actually feeling never closer to the God of his salvation.
If you’re sad and you don’t follow God, please know that faith will lead you to the healing you so need and ought to experience this side of eternity.
So, if you’re sad, be sad. If you’re joyful, rejoice. These two emotions run along a continuum, and only in faith can they be brought together; we have capacity to take joy into the sorrowful place, and to take a measured sobriety into our celebrations.
Mastering the emotions is simply being truthful IN them.
Being truthful in our emotions certainly requires vulnerability and integrity, courage and strength…
Yes, being sad takes strength,
enough to surrender to how we actually feel,
and enough strength to imagine the encouragement we are to others who are sad, even as we may risk the judgement of others.
Being authentic is being brave, and it is easier to go with how we truly feel than we realise. If you find it hard, practice.
Our hearts are protective for good reason, whether it’s trauma or we’ve never felt safe enough to be true to our emotions. It’s never too late to work on being more emotionally true.
When sad, be sad.
When overwhelmed, sit and be.
When angry, be curious about why, without judging ourselves.
When confused, acknowledge we don’t always know why.
When in pain that cannot be rationalised, go gently.
And when in doubt, let the tears flow when they will come.
Find your therapy and engage in it.
