Intoxicated in Your Love

“How beautiful you are, my love, how very beautiful! Your eyes are doves... Your hair is like a flock of goats... Your lips are like a crimson thread, and your mouth is lovely.” ~Song of Solomon 4:1, 3 (NRSV).

She knows who she is. Just like your partner knows who they are. There is something about love that grabs us hastily by the shoulders, holds us fast in the grip of our vision, and captivated by nothing else, blesses us by the most natural and heavenly intoxication.

Love’s beauty has us enthralled by our mate.

The nature of such attraction, embraced in intimacy, bristling with passion, and steadfast in commitment, is the nexus of life.

This, here, is the majesty of being alive in spirit and truth.

The Beauty of All Love

The truth about this concept is romantic love—notwithstanding its venerable power—is by far a relentless underestimation of love’s overall power.

That may be a cruel truth, or an encouraging one, depending on our situation.

Our love for a parent, a son or daughter, or a grandchild, best friend, or pet can reach the halcyon heights of love overall; only the manifestation of passion is likely different. Our love for God, of course, can reach intensely intoxicating levels, too, just without physicality.

A Love for One (To the One I Love)

The devotedness I have for you, my love, may, like the moon encircling the Earth, wax and wane. There may be distractions and barriers and reasons and excuses. But when God snatches my focus back to you, my heart is never gladder, and I’m never more spiritually alive, especially when I can serve you.

I think of the person you have become, as I reflect over photographs of your childhood and early adulthood, and I so wish I could have known you back then; even to have been a fly on the wall just to observe you as a person and in your interactions.

When I call you on the telephone, just to listen to your voice, from a distance I am entranced. The sound of your giggle, like the fragrance of your morning breath, splits my sense of logic and reason. Our chemistry is wondrous. And I love sleeping in your bed. I so want to climb inside you, to even be you; to understand you, truly.

When I see you working around the house, and in the garden, I often just watch. You diligently do the little things, like achievement is not the only thing. And I learn.

You are the shop filled with fine china, and I am your bull. Deft skills are not natural for me, but God gave me you so I would learn.

We have laughed and cried together, very much, and we’ve hurt each other. That is not the end of the story, though, and more laughter and tears are our destiny, by God’s good grace. Each day with you is a miracle.

We’ve packed so much in over our comparatively brief history, which only proves time together is no ultimate gauge of the quality of a relationship.

I am intoxicated in your love, and the level of my inebriation is comprehensive. I’ll never stop loving you.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

The Fruit of the Spirit and Wasted Emotions

Deplorable emotions have the destructive way of disturbing dynamics within us and the rapport we would otherwise enjoy with others. If we eradicate these wasted emotions we will enjoy the fruits of the Spirit.

Correspondingly, the items on the list of wasted emotions are direct opposites of those fruits of the Spirit:

Hate (the opposite of love)

We all have to watch for this twisted and tormented emotion, especially Christians.

This is because Christians, of all people, though they are to love, are most prone to becoming pharisaic (judgmental) in their perception and interpretation of the world around them.

Hate of any variety—from indifference to contempt—is a poison and must be dealt with through prayer by God’s grace.

Sadness (the opposite of joy)

This is not about sorrow, for that’s often a godly emotion.

Joy is full enough an emotion that it can be simultaneously happy from within and also sorrowful; if a Christian has joy they have a grasp on real hope as well as having the capacity to lament the state of brokenness in the world.

Sadness, as opposed to sorrow, is fused in what the self is missing out on. Besides grief—which necessitates, for a time, irreconcilable sadness—it would be better to swap sadness for sorrow. Sorrow is a more pure emotion.

Anxiousness (the opposite of peace)

Worry is a waste of time, but still we will engage in it if we don’t have an abiding peace, based in faith, to rely upon.

Many people have disorders around anxiety. For these there is no luxury for choice; they play the hand they are dealt. We can only hope that they are able to experience more and more peace as the years contend.

For those who experience ordinary levels of anxiety, the alternative is peace. It’s about finding the situation’s need and being content in that.

Impatience (the opposite of long-suffering)

This wasted emotion is perhaps the most fundamental issue behind most sin.

Impatience is always driven by one of the seven deadly sins. We have the opportunity, however, to follow Jesus—who Cyprian of Carthage called Perfect Patience. As a virtue, patience is the start of the true gospel life.

Annoyance and Anger (opposites of gentleness)

Unmet needs go behind the fear manifest in annoyance and anger. These wasted emotions are a veil for a deeper position of want.

Imagine the aggression in annoyance and anger; these are actually pitiful emotions hoarded by scared individuals.

Guilt and Shame (opposites of goodness)

How prevalent are these?

Guilt and shame drive every single one of us; more for some, less for others. Certain cultures promote shame, and others promote guilt; both are of the devil, unless they motivate repentance. After making up with God they should be dropped.

But we do tend to come back to them.

Our challenge is to find a coping mechanism, and the inner feeling of God’s forgiveness, that eradicates guilt and shame.

Envy and Disgust (opposites of faithfulness)

Common emotions are these in any age, particularly this one, when all-the-more people are keeping up the Joneses and the urges toward political correctness have people judging others and forming impressions as disgust.

It’s such a better option to model God’s faithfulness by diverting thought from what we don’t have to what we do have—and to be thankful.

Likewise, disgust selects for vitriolic indifference. Much better it is to value diversity and understanding. If we do, we’re faithful to God.

Self-Pity and Pride (opposites of meekness)

Meekness is not a pushover so much as it’s the quintessence of humble circumspection. It has good account of itself and doesn’t willingly submit to the erosion of self-pity and the folly of pride.

Both pride and self-pity are truly wasted emotions. Best we root these out at the earliest sign.

Helplessness and Powerlessness (opposites of temperance)

The value of prudence (alternatively self-control or temperance) is immeasurable. Along with diligence, these two are the keys to self-mastery under the guise of the Lord’s Wisdom.

Such virtue will protect us from keeping the faith with the wasted emotions of helplessness and powerlessness.

***

Wasted emotions end our sense of wellbeing. Conversely, resisting such feelings awakens joy, love, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

7 Key Dangers and Protecting Against Them

Whatever stage we’re at in life there are key concerns around safety; for ourselves, elderly and young family members, family and friends in general; anyone in our sphere of influence. Risks for harm cause inevitable unease.

There are seven common key dangers we can readily prepare for:

1. Safety At Home

Home is our sanctuary. We have a right to be safe there. But, in this day, there are many reasons why we may feel unsafe. Seniors are particularly vulnerable.

While a balance needs to be struck between feeling safe and unsafe, it’s wise to make ourselves visible for the authorities yet as invisible as we can to the dangerous minority.

Knowing our neighbours and having a safe house, with safe practices, is vital. You have a right to protect your ground.

2. Out and About

Circulating within our communities is a great freedom we take for granted.

Doing this safely is about minimising the risks by travelling with others, in daylight when we can, and within known areas. Lighting at night is important; stay in well-lit places. Lock car doors and keep valuables out of sight. And watch for bag snatchers.

Driving poses its own risks.

Many more people are killed or seriously injured on the roads than at home. Drive within your limits, avoid fatigue and alcohol, wear your seatbelt, and avoid heavy traffic and driving in poor weather.

3. Protecting Money

Money is a tool assisting us through life. Not surprisingly it’s the sort of thing that unscrupulous people want to help us with.

Using caution when removing money from banks, getting into habits of closely monitoring the status of our accounts, purses and wallets, and carrying less money around with us, is important.

4. Our Legal World

We can literally sign our lives away in the stroke of a pen.

Resist pressure to sign documents. Pressure to sign generally indicates that motives are not in our best interests. Have a lawyer or solicitor, or legal aid, look over documents before signing. Find out who your local Advocate is and contact them if you are concerned.

5. Risks of Neglect and Abuse

Anyone is susceptible to neglect and abuse, but especially the weak and vulnerable: the especially young; the disabled and impaired; women around stronger, untrustworthy men; and, seniors.

If we have the capacity to manage our lives—and nearly all of us do—there is no reason anyone, including family, should put pressure on us to make any decision.

Likewise, everybody deserves love. Neglect, particularly when family is around, is unconscionable. Neglect is reflected in basic needs remaining unmet.

Abuse and neglect should be reported to authorities.

6. Computer Technology

The advent of the Internet, Internet banking, and the prevalence of hacking and viruses all mean watching our computer security is essential. Using strong passwords, keeping them secret, and using secure connections and anti-virus software are keys.

E-mail is especially problematic. Bogus e-mails are everywhere these days. Whenever e-mails are received, and there is any suggestion of money, tread warily.

Equally, for singles, there are predators using the Internet wanting to strike up relationships. If we’ve never met them, seen them face-to-face, we should commit nothing.

7. Home Security

Design and maintenance are the key words.

Designing our homes to provide for our safety is critical. A visit to the local police station can assist, and there are other authorities who can advise us how to design our security. Design is about the physical design of our homes as well as the design of the support around us.

Maintenance is about good upkeep: trimming trees and shrubs, ensuring all locks work, keeping an inventory of possessions updated and in a safe place, and quickly repairing blown security light globes.

***

Staying safe these days takes thought, planning, and action. For us and our loved ones safety is one of those things we can do something about today, before an incident takes place. Finally, we must trust our instincts.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Acknowledgement for seven-point structure used: Western Australian Police Service, Office of Crime Prevention, Safety Advice for Seniors.

3 Gifts of Spiritual Courage

“... God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline.” ~2 Timothy 1:7 (NRSV).

In this verse, God gives us three things; each is manifest in courage.

Courage, as a virtue, is relevant in three unique facets of life—all evident relationally. These three relational realms exist by our interaction with God, with others, and with ourselves.

The Lord gives us three gifts of spiritual courage; each has a role in helping with each of these three relationship types.

God gives us power for our relationship with him—and elsewhere—when we seek him with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength. We get love to defy timidity for our relationships with others. Finally, we’re given a sound mind, or self-discipline, to enhance our relationship with our person—for, the double-minded undisciplined person is cantankerous with themselves, even if that manifests in anger toward God or others, too.

Spiritual Courage through POWER

The first gift in relationships is always power; to sense and take the initiative or respond appropriately, to feel quietly capable, and to have healthy buoyancy about us that is threatened by little so far as rapport is concerned.

Power is wherewithal. It is where everything starts. Every creative process depends on power. Most definitively, in the present context, we need to have been given access to power in order to relate with God.

Revelation is power; the instilling of irrefutable fact; the sense that truth is known, for truth is fundamental power. This power is invisible, and unless certain conditions are present, it’s impossible to claim.

Spiritual courage through power is only accessible through rebirth in Christ.

Spiritual Courage through LOVE

The bequest of love is the portion of courage to get to truly know people because we have no weight of timidity lingering over our conscious awareness. Most will see this as self-confidence, but really it is love, because we’re interested in the other person.

It comes to us through the first gift—power. As we relate with God, in confidence that his grace is sufficient for us, such power brims over, and our overflowing cup ensures capacity for spiritual enthusiasm; power is made real in energy for love toward others.

This comes out as courage; the truth is, however, there is now no longer fear regarding interacting with others. We are compelled from within to engage.

Spiritual Courage through SELF-DISCIPLINE

Perhaps the hardest of all gifts to welcome, and therefore acquire, is the elusive spiritual courage of self-discipline.

This is that ability to identify with Christ—sacrificing all if necessary—in this case for obedient self-development—in such a way that any personal goal is made achievable and sustainable over the longer term.

The transformation of minds, an essential practical issue here, is only really available through God.

Self-help and pop psychology are ultimately forlorn.

Fundamental to all blessings, as we relate with ourselves, is having the spiritual courage of self-discipline. It chooses against worldliness, and for God’s agenda.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Honouring the Legacy of Pain in Grief

Human response to loss is as predictable as it’s sad. We experience grief and probably more than we know. Adjustment in life involves a process of letting go. The goal of adjustment is voluntary acceptance—we do that better, and quicker, when we honour the legacy of pain in our grief.

The stage-theory of grief—that we cycle through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally reach acceptance—describes accurately the stages we go through.

But what it can’t compensate for is the iterative nature of these stages. This is what true grief looks like:

Denial, anger, denial, bargaining, depression, acceptance, denial, anger, denial, depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, depression, denial...

... And so on it goes; until, finally, we reach the fuller portion of acceptance.

Reaching Acceptance a Bit at a Time

It’s true we eventually reach acceptance if we adjust healthily. But the stages evolve of their own accord, and acceptance is a temporary destination, with longer visits each successive time.

We’re always tempted to expect we’ve reached acceptance prematurely.

We don’t expect the further issuance of the pain of grief when we have had a taste of acceptance. We want to be fully adjusted, and we try hard to reach there as quickly as we can.

The journey to acceptance cannot be rushed; it cannot be reached without the full process of adjustment; and that, honoured by the accepted memory of the events.

The Purpose of the Pain in Grief

If we acknowledge that four parts of the five-part stage-theory of grief involve relative variations of pain—including denial, with its ironic sense of relief—and if we believe that grief has a good purpose—we can note there is ‘good memory’ to be had in reminiscing over the pain.

Pain must be felt repetitively for it to mean anything. Sometimes God’s only way of getting through to us, to transform us, is through pain.

As we cycle through the stages—learning our own way to adjust to each one, which paradoxically gets us into other stages, and not necessarily acceptance—we develop the character of coping. We learn about ourselves; about what truly pleases and upsets us.

Perhaps the purpose of pain in grief is that it forces us to act; to do anything we can to ameliorate the pain.

Coping is a very individual thing. No one can tell us how to cope, only suggest.

The value of experience can never be understated. But we tend to forget. Honouring the memory of the pain—the special legacy—is what drives growth in resilience.

Growth is steeled in the legacy of our memory of our pain. It is a rich possession.

‘Branding’ the Memory of Pain in the Psyche

As cattle and horses are branded, such that the owner’s mark is cast, the memory of grief’s pain leaves a mark of benevolence over us, once we recover.

Honouring the legacy of pain in grief is never forgetting that pain—and that it is part of the making of us. Sure, the sting is gone, but we honour God’s faithfulness to get us through—all the way to acceptance.

Each day we do this it gets better.

Honouring our pain validates it. It characterises the real ‘us’. And as we move past the sting of our pain, the memory of how we learned to cope glows fondly within. We will say: “We got through; we learned; we recovered.”

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Think, Feel, Therefore Act

Reversing the incoming tide of emotion, that which threatens to swamp us, can seem impossible. When we revert to a good thought, however, we push on, transforming our perspective and, often, out of the quicksand we climb.

Imagine waking to the perspective of drudgery:

***

There’ll be mornings we’ll arise,

Nothing hopeful—darkest skies,

Then there’s thought of cool relief,

That’s the moment that belies belief.

Ever watchful this time we’re not,

Emotions we throw in with our lot,

Darkness, darkness, ever extending,

Until, that is, we think an ending.

Thinking, thinking—need to transform,

So these feelings don’t become the norm,

Then it is we’ll change our act,

This is will the way we must react.

***

Mornings That Belie Belief

Believing persons have an underlying belief system that acknowledges the goodness of God. When circumstances occur, however, that defy such a belief our faith is tested.

Mornings, as a metaphor for renewal—sometimes the worst kind—come occasionally like this. For want of logic we cannot reason why we feel this way, so, therefore, we think. Our negative, hopeless thoughts propel us into feelings that confirm the thoughts. Next thing we’re looking for an escape clause—any reason to get out of this situation.

On such mornings, if we have even a pinch of perspective, we can cut that initial feeling off and think differently about our encroaching situation.

This is an important positive denial. It’s important, though, to understand we cannot continue to deny—we are best to deal with the causes of these issues, entering into prayer about them.

Surrendering to the emotion may, at times, be precisely the thing we need—in this we find rest in God. Otherwise, we push on. Only we can know, individually, with the Holy Spirit’s sponsorship, what course is correct according to the situation.

Perspective Informs Thinking

What we see—our situational perspective—informs our thinking, and thinking, or thought, potentially either empowers or destroys our joy.

Joy, then, is proportionate to the adroitness of our thinking. Sound thinkers approach joy—it’s within their sight and grasp.

Our base perspective never changes; only our perception does.

If we see the whole of our lives in the context of our blessedness (which is our true perspective)—a portion of which everyone has—we put the negative into its proper light.

If we restore our base perspective, our thinking aligns in soundness, and we experience the joy of well-adjusted feelings and, consequently, God’s blessings for the good acts that follow.

Our Thinking Empowers Our Destiny

What we think determines how we feel and what we feel establishes how we often act.

We can think our way out of most problems simply by slowing down, taking a deep breath, and relieving our minds of the dark clouds that surround. We swap that for true (broader) perspective.

It may seem simplistic, for it is. Obedience is always irrevocably simple.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Photograph: Milford Sound, New Zealand.

1,000 Rejections, But, Still In the Game!

The primary school-aged boy, barely 12 years old, suffers from bullying. He’s not kicked or beaten, but ignored and isolated. Still, he keeps coming back to school. Day in, day out, there he is; reporting for another dozen rejections at the hand of his peers.

Yet, he has one person in his life, perhaps two, who may be reliably trusted. He has some sense of love within the bounds of tyranny that enfold his life. They show him hope.

For this reason, despite his want to give up when things are especially tough, he finds reason to go on.

The Gospel’s Power Made Relevant

You have to admire any person, who through their instinct for resilience, will continue on despite many harsh, little and large, rejections. For, in this is the gospel’s power.

Salvation’s day is power in the hour of need.

Out the jaws of humiliation is reprieve unto exultation, for the Lord takes great issue with the scouring aggression of those moral weaklings whom abuse an easy target in the presence of palpable encouragement.

Sympathy of the Spirit may be known. Anyone who bears under the strain of the domination of evil—with some invisible knowledge of hope, one that expresses itself in faith for actually no reason but the resolve to hold on—may feel the rising tide of peace within. God will never leave him nor forsake him.

The gospel is built as a buckle for the belt of persecution. No wonder the kindly, docile world—asleep to any sense of suffering—needs, and identifies with, little of it.

Our Vision Beyond the Rejections

Hope is such an essential ingredient within the overall scope of the circumstance of the bullied. If they have even one reason to hope, just one person to instil love and a sense of confidence, they can endure almost anything. Indeed, the very trials they endure will convert within them an inimitable power for good that will serve them all the days of their ever-blossoming lives.

As we count up the several rejections as they occur minute by minute, accumulating in countless proportion day by day, even these are not enough to crush the spirit of the person with vision beyond those rejections.

The power of God is a miracle for the socially destitute; for, the person isolated and ridiculed by their peers has hope in proportion to even a moment’s vision of the love that supports them. A pinch of love sustains hope in a world of pain.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

What Are We Learning From Others?

THE GOAL OF LIFE for the saved person is learning for the next life—a state of perfection we will achieve, and now is the time to trial for such a milieu.

One of the best ways of learning is via observation, because it’s not our mistakes we are learning from, but from others’ successes and mistakes and everything else.

Indeed, everything is free for us as we open our eyes.

We get a fuller view of life as we stand at a slight distance, taking in all we can possibly discern. It’s both a vital learning vehicle and an interest—because our focus takes us in millions of stimulating directions; all without leaving our minds.

Turning From Boredom to the Stimulation of Insight

One of the commonest problems we all face is situations where life is neither difficult nor fascinating. The common experience is ho-hum.

But if we switch our focus from our wanton desire to be stimulated over to the practice of stimulating ourselves, through what we see, we experience the enlightenment of the Lord, for all this is revealed for us, simply, uniquely, for our sight alone. For, we’re the only ones that see the way we do. And the Lord has destined these insights for our learning.

We may typically find other people strange, warm, onerous, irritating, peaceable, attractive, chatty, stubborn, pleasant, in-our-face, withdrawn etc—a thousand different facets of perception abound.

The Lord has placed each one in our midst to be learned from.

Becoming a Discoverer of Life

Boredom and complaint are common temptations of the distractive variety—they take us, and our mental and emotional resources, away from God’s abiding Presence.

They make us fixate on those things that we were always destined to pass over.

At all stimuli of boredom and complaint there is present a godlier stimulus. But we can only see it as we approach even the most banal situations in life with renewed interest—that of the early discoverer.

Discoverers are curious. Their curiosity takes them into the relatively unknown vestiges of the mind, and from there the heart is activated whenever plenteous new things are found. Wonder flourishes.

The great thing about other people is, because they are so different to us, they will shed the discoverer’s light on life—not by what they do or say, but by what we see in what they do and say.

There is a mix here in our pure observation and our perception of the observation.

***

There is a discoverer in each of us and the world stands for us as our profiteer. This is the real-life, not the one of acquisition, petty complaint, or boredom. As we commit to being a discoverer, wonder is ours for the taking.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

A Best Possible Death

A very inconvenient truth we cannot escape, if we choose to live in the company of loved ones: “Grief is the price we pay for love.” ~Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II.

If you could choose your death you would probably elect a quiet, peaceful trip to the light fantastic—a last-breath slip-away at 95 or 100. It’s a death with the blessing of concerned, grief-laden onlooking family.

Fundamentally, the best possible death assumes saving faith in Jesus Christ.

Death Has Two Forms

There are many forms of death, even to the living sacrifice of those most living!

Such a spiritual death continually manifests life for others and life ultimately for the person executing themselves for others’ benefit (2 Corinthians 4:10-12).

The event of a living sacrifice—in the kin of Romans 12:1—is a death to self, and this can be termed a preferable state of living for the godly.

The death expected of the common Christian—to die to themselves—is, however, not really the focus here.

Death of a Final Kind

The abovementioned death, that comes at the end of a long life, and one not without its own adjustments for sacrifice, is the best possible variety. This is given the fact that no death glorifies us in our mortal flesh, but it does glorify us if we are saved and we go to meet God, and, of course, it glorifies God also.

Everything there glorifies God.

***

For the family, such a death carries with it the unfolding experience of grief for loss; the unrequited situation regaling the need for inevitable adjustment. Their only consolation: this loved one is with the Lord. But such a state of being, to be without them, cannot really be reconciled.

***

Imagine the deceased person entering Glory, having hoped for years that each day might be ‘the day’. Suddenly—awash of life; the spirit flown—the faithful servant enters the presence of the King of kings. And there are no queues, no brief glimpses; no disappointments.

And what is heaven like? Two words: Eternal bliss.

But words cannot hope to capture what is beyond reality, or at least surpassing a sense of reality that we’re used to.

All this for death! And to think we avoid it and do anything to postpone the inevitable. That, of course, is totally understandable. We do not want to leave our loved ones, and we do not want to hurt them by our loss.

It’s the ultimate Catch-22—to stay or go to be with the Lord (Philippians 1:23-24).

***

The best kind of death is one late of years, slipping away peacefully as possible, to be with the Lord. This is the best possible death because life there starts—a life that will never end.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.