How to Feel When We’ve Been Overlooked?

Everyone, we can assume, has tasted the ignominy of putting their hat in the ring for higher honours, only to be overlooked when it came to selection time. Resentment ensued.

As I reflected recently over three circumstances like this that have occurred to me, I was surprised (though I shouldn’t have been) as to the similarity of the pattern. Each time I hadn’t expected to be overlooked.

I’d given myself a reasonable chance of claiming the coveted position — not understanding, at an accepting level, that only one person can win.

In truth, we give ourselves up to one of a million guises of success when we deny the harsh realities of the cut-throat world that’s somewhat against us — certainly as far as the odds are concerned.

Dealing with the ‘Betrayal’ and Resentment

In the final analysis, it’s no good us getting bitter and twisted about it. Perhaps we even know this in our heads, but our hearts are still stung?

Transforming the theory into a practiced reality is our goal — so we no longer harbour resentment toward those applying change.

The truth is we’re hurt; we feel underappreciated, let’s be honest about it. Being honest with ourselves helps us process the enormity of what we feel. It’s far superior, as a coping mechanism’s concerned, than resentment.

Blessed Are the Honest-with-Themselves

The quickest way through the choppy waters of disappointment is the direct route. As plain as we can be, we take ourselves to their truth, and we seek first to understand.

There are all sorts of rational reasons this event or series of events has turned out the way it has. We have to wish for their insight — to see like they’ve seen.

It’s easier to be honest with ourselves when we know and accept the lay of the land — how we fit into the overall scheme of things.

We can tell it wasn’t so much a witch-hunt, but an orchestrated attempt to improve for good reasons. No improvement at the larger level comes without compromise for the greater good.

The Cherished Process of Time

One of the hardest things to learn and, therefore accept, is the grieving process — and adjusting to being overlooked involves grieving — takes longer than we like. We ‘arrive’ ‘adjusted’ later than we’d wish.

Disappointments are placed in our lives so we can learn patience; to abide with time, because time has no master but the Lord.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.