Comes a time when things are wrecked,
Times when harsh words are spoken,
Then there’s the awareness to simply reflect,
Then the courage to correct what’s broken.
The marriage relationship is a special institution, but it’s not devoid of the strains of life where coupledom extends into the realm of the extraneous. Sometimes we just cannot live with our partners – yet we have the covenant relationship. We cannot leave. And we cannot give up in seeking a reconciliation of unity.
But most of the time emotions run high and our spirits flag when exasperation becomes the theme in the marital dynamic.
Times like these both partners are readily forgiven for feeling insane, where the logical thought is blown away in the midst of a cloud of feeling in rebuttal after rebuttal.
Picking up the broken pieces and putting them back together, to remake that beautiful vase so it will contain water again for the flowers of life, is easy as reflecting quietly in the moment. One person can do this. Both can do this. But words must cease.
There is a great deal to be said for humility in the strained moment – the sense of true bearing by the ability to look above the situation and to notice what is happening.
What is maddening by nature needs not to be extrapolated and given fuel. When we fuel our marital fires we are being really unwise. No matter the importance of the issue, fighting with guns ablaze or pouring copious volatiles over the mess, will not solving anything.
When we are given to arguing and there appears to be many irresolvables, it’s best that we accept the things we can’t change. It might be easier said than done, but considering that most of the things we argue about are relatively minor (in the overall scheme of life) can we find within our minds to conceive how life might look like without such a resolute grip over the issue(s) we cannot let go of?
Some issues are critically important. We need to have the poise and the patience to communicate well. Prayer helps.
But putting the pieces back together having had a ‘barney’ of monumental proportions has to be a marital couple’s top priority.
There is a blessing for every marital couple that reflects on harsh words spoken, where there is the combination of humility and courage to correct what’s broken.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.