LIFELONG
learning is the practice of any person on the quest of wisdom. One of life’s
hardest lessons is dealing with the many interpersonal hurts that come from a
life of care. And overcoming the commensurate bitterness that we are bound to
struggle with is our task. The more we care about situations and persons that impinge
us, the harder the hurt, the deeper the bitterness to wrestle with.
Yet, we all have
the same opportunities in front of us — to heal.
Here are some of
the things I’ve learned about forgiveness; some of which have been recent
learnings or re-learnings:
1.
Do resolve
bitterness. Bitterness is a veil. As long as we are bitter we cannot hope to
see the complete perspective of truth. As long as we can only see what the
other side need to do we are not accountable for what we can do. Unless we
wrestle with bitterness we will never forgive.
2.
Don’t do anything significant
in the heat of the moment. No matter how wise it seems the ‘other side’ are a
variable hard to predict. Restraint is advised when regret could be the
distasteful part of valour.
3.
Do be honest. This
has to be the hardest thing. We either learn to see truthfully — which takes
courageous and dignified humility — or we ought to give others permission to speak
into our lives. The former is far more dignifying. But we need the latter, too.
4.
Don’t add to the
other side’s burden, or for that matter, anyone’s burden. Too often I made the
issue about them and brought them into it. And at times I’ve drained people because
of the bad vibes I felt I needed to express. Find a sounding board who wants to
be a sounding board.
5.
Do keep short
account regarding who you speak to and what you say. We can’t trust everyone,
and even some we think we can trust are not trustworthy. How naïve would you
say you are? The more naïve we are the more cautious we need to be.
6.
Don’t force
transformations that aren’t there yet. Sometimes we try too hard to forgive and
we just prove readier to become more hurt. We expose our vulnerability and we
get slammed. Allow the temperature of the heart to rise gradually to meet the
climate in the head. We cannot think our way into feeling differently — or not
that quickly.
We are not ready to forgive until we are ready
to love.
We are ready to forgive when love is all we
care about.
© 2015 Steve
Wickham.
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