Signs I’m in relationship with someone narcissistic

Photo by Ludomił on Unsplash

As opposed to a symptom, which only others can tell me, a sign is something I can observe about another. Now, I need to set the record straight from the get-go; I do want to love you. That’s my beginning premise; that you want some kind of friendly relationship with me. It’s okay if you don’t. There is a plethora of reasons why you might not want to go there. But, if you do express some desire to relate with me, we will need some boundaries that we can both respect and reciprocate.

Here are some signs that indicate to me you might be narcissistic:

·        That your time is more important than mine. That you’re happy to keep me waiting. And I’m not talking just once. I’m talking about a consistent pattern that you’re tardy. But, if I’m late once… well, that’s upsetting to you. In a word, entitlement.

·        You have communicated to me in a language beyond words that we have roles in this relationship. Like, you do all the talking and I do all the listening. Or, I support you, like that’s my role, but you’re nowhere to be seen when I need you. In two words, entitlement and control.

·        You have little tolerance for the interruptions to your time with me. You have little grace regarding the inconveniences all relationships must occasionally bear. You are easily irritated.

·        You talk in tones of care and concern, but do not ever seem to have the capacity to behave in caring ways and seem only concerned about yourself and your needs.

·        You don’t take ‘no’ for an answer, and even when it seems you’re okay with ‘no’, you still make some veiled attempt at manipulating me or the situation to get your own way.

·        Control. In one word. You seem to need to have control. And the more skilled you are, the more nuanced are the forms of control you operate in. You may even admire how deftly you operate your control.

·        Being vulnerable is either impossible for you and/or you’ve developed it as an art form, i.e. for manipulation. In other words, you’ve weaponised vulnerability.

·        You are adult, meaning that I understand that if you’re still developing there is still hope for you, but if you’re adult… I need to be realistic that you probably won’t or cannot change.

·        You have weaponised empathy and compassion, because they’re stock in trade for manipulation. In other words, you don’t have empathy or compassion.

·        You expect things to go your way all the time, even if you say you don’t. In other words, words are tools for you. They don’t mean a thing.

·        Others exist for your use and advantage. People are helpful while they’re helpful. When they’re not, they’re not. You’d never say this, but people can be disposed of.

·        You have a piqued relationship with envy and are constantly comparing with others. You exist in a land of better and worse. There is always a pecking order.

·        Success is very, very important to you, however you define it, and heaven only help the person who blocks your path.

·        Intimidation, bullying and other forms of abuse seem to be your right, but if anyone tries these on you… whoa! In a word, entitlement.

People who are narcissistic tend to be entitled, have no issue exploiting people, and have no capacity for true empathy.