Photo by Nathan Fertig on Unsplash
Other people’s distance is not
always their way of saying they don’t care.
It can often be the case that they
perceive distance from us.
Social psychology explains the
phenomenon: anyone who perceives anyone being standoffish mirrors that behaviour.
In fact, we human beings characteristically
mirror each other all the time. It’s called the law of reciprocity. Smile and
people tend to smile back. Scowl and people give us a wide birth.
This Christmas holds the opportunity
to rebuild a relationship.
to rebuild a relationship.
The Prince of Peace came to this
world to bring shalom — the completed perfection of peace in the place of conflict. Trust this season to be the time
to make peace with those you’ve been in conflict with.
Don’t just make one move. Make a
commitment to keep moving toward them in your heart. Damaged relationships will
only be rebuilt if commitment runs much deeper than surface level. If you’ve
decided that the relationship in question is much more important than the
issues that have divided you in the past, because you believe in the bigness of
relationship, you will be prepared for conflict to rise before peace returns.
Occasionally, however, the issues cannot
be compromised, and the relationship cannot be repaired. For instance, when
there is no capacity in the other for repentance. When they cannot see their wrong.
If you want peace for yourself, it’s
your move. You may soon discover that peace for you comes when you’ve done all
you can to live peaceably with everyone.
The ultimate peace is known
when acceptance lives through us.
when acceptance lives through us.
This is not about tolerating
what we could otherwise change.
what we could otherwise change.
It’s agreeing that some things are
beyond our control. It is healthy and mature to accept that some relationships
are damaged beyond repair — that a one-way street is no way for flourishing traffic
to travel.
The potential that lays dormant
within us relationally is birthed by the action generated through getting the
log out of our own eye.
When we take responsibility for what we can do,
often, though not always,
much relational repair can occur.
often, though not always,
much relational repair can occur.
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