Narcissism, I see you!

You may notice it in that funny feeling you have within yourself when you feel you’re being manipulated.  Or, in that moment you’re getting the raw end of the deal, and the other person doesn’t seem to care, or feels they have the right to lord it over you.  You may notice it also when someone appears supremely confident, and you are feeling less than, and they seem to be enjoying the power they’re having at your expense.  You may also observe it when something is being withheld from you, when you just get that feeling that a person isn’t being straight with you.  Honestly, there are myriads of examples; too many to expand on them all here.

There are so many feelings associated with being on the receiving end of narcissism, of gaslighting, of being manipulated, of being a means to someone’s end, of existing to be the instrument of someone else’s gain.  When there is an entitlement in one over another to exploit the other, where there is no quarter given and no empathy but rather schadenfreude, you know what you’re seeing.  Well, it certainly could be something definitive.

These are not good feelings, and there’s something to be trusted.  These feelings are information, not so much to act upon, but worthy of consideration in the overall context of your situation.  As those who deal in espionage would say, it’s good intel!

If ever we are to resist anyone, and they are respectful, they will usually respect our resistance.  But the narcissist never will.  The narcissist will never take no for an answer.  There will always be a penalty, even for the slightest pushback.  But the one you can trust is someone who can deal with a little resistance, a little pushback, with feedback that doesn’t necessarily go their way.

Whenever we encounter narcissism, we can say to ourselves, “Narcissism, I see you,” and without drawing attention to the fact, we are at least forewarned, which is to be forearmed.

Perhaps we can give the person behaving narcissistically the benefit of the doubt, especially given that we know that we are not battling with flesh and blood, but with powers and principalities, of wicked authorities that pretend to be powerful.  Even if we believe the person behaving narcissistically is evil, we may be better off compartmentalising their behaviour, so their behaviour isn’t off-putting and an affront to our sensibilities.  Being offended does not serve us or anyone else.  We need to work smarter than that.

All we need to do is notice what we see — the signs of narcissism — as much to be empowered for the knowledge that resistance and anger will work less for us than poise and a calculated response.  You see, narcissism is often calculated.  We need to meet calculation with calculation.  If anything is to have success, it’s a slow burn.  There are no quick fixes to interacting with complex psychopathies.  There are no quick wins, and the less we hold out for the win, the better we will relate.

Photo by Edi Libedinsky on Unsplash