An empath does for others as they only wish would be done for them

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the empath-narcissist relational combination.  What I’m discussing is not a clinical dynamic by any means, it’s just that very often one bears more the serving characteristics in a relationship and the other expects to be served.

The serving in most relationships tends
~ though not always ~
to go one way on a consistent basis.

This is a generalisation, and although it’s not a perfect rule, it’s more useful than not.

Let me be perfectly clear from the get-go: if you exist to be served, you are NOT an empath.  

There are people who think they’re empaths who are not.  If it’s the case that you’re more prone to have expectations of others, and especially when you don’t empathise with others and don’t consistently serve them, you’re NOT an empath.

If you’re constantly the first one to apologise, however, you’re the empath.  If you’re right (in your own eyes) most of the time, you’re NOT an empath.

DETERMINING TRUE VICTIMS FROM WOLVES IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING

People cavort as victims all the time, claiming disappointment and betrayal at a whim, but it’s only those who are characterised as living for others that are the genuine victims when they do cry foul.

Anyone can accuse, but the only one who has a true claim is the one who has served and served and served, and who has never received anything (or comparatively little) in return.

Of course, the heart is involved too.  Anyone can serve with an eye on what they’ve done — to be seen, to be acknowledged, to be recognised, praised and congratulated.  The empath serves because they love loving people.  They don’t have a heart for recognition, but for the pleasure of serving.

We can see a narcissist from a mile off — they claim to be victim whilst never really engaging with empathy for others.  They have no interest in others, yet the worst ones feign an interest.  They’re only capable of self-interest.  Plenty of Christians are like this.

In other words, they feel entitled to exploit others for not measuring up to their exorbitant standards whilst they would never go close to measuring up to even a minimum standard of care, let alone their own standards they set for others.

Besides, the standards narcissists expect of empaths are always fluid — there is no way an empath can satisfy a narcissist.  Even if they meet a momentary expectation, there’s suddenly a shifting of the goalposts.  Empaths keep pouring themselves out in the hope they’ll satisfy the narcissist, but they find that an unattainable standard.

An empath does for others what they only wish others would do for them.  That would be the gold standard of the golden rule (Matthew 7:12).

But because empaths go above and beyond to outreach others, because they’ll take the gospel both seriously and literally about ‘loving one another’ and ‘loving their neighbour’, they are sure to be partnered with others a lot of the time who will exploit this ‘weakness’.

Of course, loving others through serving their known (and even at times their unknown) needs, will often be seen as a weakness, i.e., as if they need to be needed.  No, the empath GETS the gospel, or indeed, the gospel has GOT the empath.

In other words, it’s not needing to be needed that motivates the empath, it’s loving to love people that lights them up.

SUMMING UP

Notice how in Matthew 7:12 Jesus sums up the Law and the Prophets (the entirety of the substantive Old Testament) by saying “do this” and — in the simplest terms — you obey God.  Everything before Matthew 7:12 and everything after it point to this verse.

How can we equate true LIVED Christian faith in this day?  What term could we use that best depicts how faith is lived?  It’s the term ‘empath’.

Someone who pleases God even when they would prefer not to.  Someone who serves others even when they get nothing in return; even when they know the other person — who may have the audacity to call themselves Christian’ — won’t return the service.

This is why I use the term ‘empath’ for the living expression of a true Christian’s faith.  Someone who GETS the gospel because the gospel has GOTTEN them.

Photo by Tyler Lagalo on Unsplash