When Struggling for Intimacy

When things are hard,

And you’re trying a lot,

Drop your guard,

It’ll stop the rot.

***

Sometimes I get the impression, no matter how hard I try to establish intimacy in certain situations, it just won’t happen. There’s one or more of at least six relationship factors that prove awry, and nothing we can do, sometimes, will bring a peaceful rapport to bear.

The strangest reality comes in direct competition to this lack of intimacy: this occurs in the closest of our relationships from time to time.

Intimacy Can Never Be Taken For Granted

Intimacy is always a blessing, and blessing we must be eternally grateful for. Such blessing is never a given.

Relationships are always work. And the payoff is the blessing of intimacy. And though there may seem no direct link between the work we put in and payoff we enjoy, there is some tacit link.

We ought to truly enjoy times of trusting intimacy, the closeness of bonds, because our times won’t always be this enjoyable. All relationships ebb and flow, as all relationships feature intimacy and aloneness.

Re-Railing Situations Featuring A Lack Of Intimacy

Some situations we’ll need to accept; a lack of intimacy, the matter is not ‘clicking’ for some reason, may be beyond redress. The time doesn’t afford another opportunity, or the other person isn’t open enough to entertain disparity. It may be us. Perhaps we don’t wish to venture the effort.

Whatever it is, sometimes we need to accept relational distance is what it is. We may pray for another opportunity; one not too far off.

Sometimes we’ll be bold enough to seek a better result, in the moment of the present opportunity. We engage the other person honestly, freely, courageously. We choose to drop our guard. We encourage their trust by issuing our trust. We commence a conversation. We give good attention to grace. We take the pressure off ourselves when we take the pressure of others; we come to the situation without any expectation, and we are ready to be surprised.

Creating such intimacy is a risk. We need to risk something of ourselves, without thought of being hurt, so that the other person may see how serious we are in our love for them.

The best of love is a risk. We put ourselves out there; for potential hurt. Knowingly we trust others with our heart—those we’re reasonably sure will love us back. When we risk for love, toward the objective of intimacy, we are somehow prepared for rejection. Somehow God blesses us with the knowledge that at least we tried.

***

With intimacy we need to be straight. When we drop our guard, being the real us before others, we invite others to be the real them in response. Trust becomes intimacy.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.