I was reminded recently of the
masculine and feminine differences in love, specifically sex. It doesn’t
require much imagination to fire-up most men, yet women need to feel loved in order to give themselves
freely in their sexuality. Whilst the typical man’s key sexuality occurs
genitally, a woman’s occurs in her heart and mind.
Love between the ears is the
feminine metaphor for a much broader concept: the alignment between people and
the communication of love; its successful endpoint. (At this point, it’s
important to understand that love between the ears implies love at a heartfelt level; thinking informing feeling, as
it occurs the other way also.)
Love As A Felt Transaction
We know love by the way we feel.
We might have reflected over what’s taken place, having enjoyed pleasant
sensations for the interest shown and the acceptance we’ve felt as a result.
Such reflections have caused us cathartic feelings that prove addictive; never
can we be loved too much.
The transaction of love is transformation
within relationship.
It’s the point at which life
becomes real in a thoroughly good way—the meaning for life becomes apparent.
Now, every felt transaction of
love comes dependent on a thought—thinking gives us the construct to analyse
and give meaning to the feelings of love. And why would we not reflect? We muse
over those things that are thoroughly good. We allow ourselves that freedom
because there’s no fear for rejection in observed
acceptance. These are the situations we dream about. They’re what we live
for—to think and feel these things.
The Focus Of Communicating Love
Love has to be, first and
foremost, the matter of communication. If we stripped away the communicative
value of love, what would we be left with? And as one person communicates their
love (and acceptance) to us, or we with them, love finds its legs.
If this is true, that love is
communicated, then love can be practiced best within the interactions between
us and others, and, with self-love, between us and ourselves.
Not that we or they have to be
expert communicators; that’s hardly the point. No, we just need to be
authentic, open with ourselves and other people, unafraid of love both in the
giving and receiving. But that’s often hard enough. Indeed, it’ll take all our
courage to do this, and many times we’ll fail. Failure’s not the point. Coming
back to love—that’s the point.
***
Love is a communicated reality. It
occurs as a transaction between two parties—us with others, even us with
ourselves. When we receive loving communication we feel good. When we give
loving communication we possibly feel even better. Love is the language of
acceptance against worlds of rejection.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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