PERSONAL
concern is something we all need; to receive, but also to give. But what is meant on the subject of personal
concern?
These
two quotes by pastor Nouwen (1932 – 1996) and counsellor Rogers (1902 – 1987) help
frame the discussion:
If
there is any posture that disturbs a suffering man or woman, it is aloofness… (Nouwen)
…
what is most personal and unique in each of us is probably the very element
which would, if it were shared or expressed, speak most deeply to others.
(Rogers)
Nobody
who hasn’t traversed the grating journey of grief can lead a suffering person
through their abyss, through touchstones of comfort, to their eventual
adjustment and acceptance of a new normal.
There will be those who will disagree with that statement, but it’s the
wounded healer who’s best positioned to heal the wounded in Jesus’ name. That’s in essence what the Nouwen quote
refers to; personal concern is something that enables the mourner to mourn in a
way that approaches truth, accepts reality, and heals in time.
Be Vested Into the Other Person
Whoever
the other person is. It doesn’t matter
who we’re with. Being vested in the
other person means that we’re free from the bonds that restrain us in our
selfish selves.
Aloofness’s
problem is it’s too vested in itself to endeavour vesting itself in
another. And the person who has never suffered
much in life is possibly given most to aloofness. Such a person in ministry is probably a
danger to people in real need, though there are some who have the capacity of
personal concern who haven’t suffered, yet have learned through their observations
of others’ suffering.
So,
as Henri Nouwen would say, a needy person ought most to avoid the person who
would avoid needy people. A person who
has needs would be better to take their needs to an unqualified person who has
suffered some of the injustices of life than take their complaints to someone
life hasn’t yet wrestled with or who hasn’t yet wrestled with life. And there are those in helping positions who,
drawn by possibly by power, image or comfort, are not character-qualified for
the ministry.
It’s
a great test of a minister; their real interest and capacity for others’ issues
and problems.
Don’t Be Afraid to Share What You
Most Fear About Yourself
We’re
set apart by what is uniquely ours and us.
We
have to get over our embarrassment and self-consciousness, for the sake of the
Kingdom of God. God knows he needs us — each
one of us. Not that God relies on us,
but in his love he’s designed a Kingdom, and that Kingdom is built by people — mere
human beings like you and I.
When
we have the courage to share ourselves, as Carl Rogers observes, then we find
we’ve got a unique contribution to make.
The
love of personal concern says that people gravitate toward those who are
courageous enough to share their concerns personally.
***
The love of
personal concern is the desire to go at depth with another person.
When we share our
suffering with another, we want the other person to see through the lens of
their own experience of suffering.
When we share what
experience of life that’s uniquely ours, we want to be heard, valued, and
respected for what we’ve endured.
What we’ve found
profound in life is likely to speak profoundly to others.
When we encourage
others to share their concerns personally, we’re able to show our love of
personal concern.
© 2016 Steve Wickham.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.