Photo by Esther Wiegardt on Unsplash
Apology is tested not so much in
the act of saying sorry, but later, when contrition makes way for contrariness.
But true apology remains. Sorry
remains sorry. And it never takes its opportunity to explain why it was
justified in wrongdoing.
Sorry remains sorry, and it doesn’t
change its mind. It doesn’t, at some point when its probed, say, ‘Now you’re
being unfair…’ (But the receiver of the apology better also be merciful).
As soon as someone who is apologising
says, ‘if’ or ‘but’ or ‘maybe if you’ their sorry becomes null and void. They
make excuses when the person receiving the apology has their senses piqued for a
sorrowful heart. And such a heart cannot be faked.
As time goes on, as the apology is
believed, as the person apologising is forgiven, their sorry needs to stay
sorry. They cannot, having been through the full process to forgiveness,
rescind that apology. The transaction is done, and they best keep moving
forward. If they change the script, and that apology is retracted they’re a
liar in this regard.
But more often than not it is the
situation where the person apologising realises, ‘Hey, they require more from me
than I’m prepared to own…’ that causes the most problems. For the issues we’re
apologising for we need to be unequivocal. We therefore studiously avoid being
drawn into extraneous matters that dilute the force of the sorry we’re saying.
More important than the actual
apology is the heart behind it. When we go to say sorry, we had better take
with us the heart that is sorry. Not ‘sorry for my bit, now what about you?’
Own your bit and stay there. Allow the other person there own reflection in
their own time with no coercion.
The heart of apology beats
strongest when we affirm and advocate for the person we wronged.
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