When both people are right, strap in for a fight

Photo by Krista Mangulsone on Unsplash

It shouldn’t bedazzle us that people turn against those who were once friends. A spirit of rightness rises in both. I know that spirit of rightness is alive in me also.

But the spirit of rightness gets us nowhere in a life where we’re not only dependent on God for success, but others too. It is a harmful ignorance that says, ‘damn them’, for we’re dependent not only on God, but on ‘them’ too for peace.

This spirit of rightness is a spirit of wrongness draped like sheep’s clothing around a wolf’s frame. We all have not only the capacity for it, but tragically, the tendency toward doing it.

The spirit of wrongness is inherent in the spirit of any wrong person concealing that wrong in their person — being dishonest — and we’re all wrong persons. What hope do we have but God? The spirit of wrongness prevails in a person pretending to be right, which is rightness that can only exist in their own mind or in the minds of those on their side. Ask the other side what is right, and the spirit of wrongness is exposed. But ask this other side for their view and they, too, will vouch for how right they are.

Where both people are right, strap yourself in for a fight.

Nothing is moving.
No frustrations are eased.
Both are confounded.
Nobody can find peace.
And the enemy wins…

One or both are hurt, obviously. Each feel misunderstood, betrayed, assaulted. Can it all be true? It feels true. But is there something each party can own as wrongdoing they can be remorseful for?

Reserve the right to be wrong, and be wrong, for only then are we truly being honest. Nobody can think they’re right in a relational conflict and hope for peace, as if the other person is going to do the moving. That’s the height of fantasy.

Where parties in conflict both see their own wrong,
where their desire is matched in seeking to set it straight,
reconciliation has a hope that is strong,
and God’s will can be seen done in a fashion not too late.

Central to our belief in Jesus is knowing we’re sinners, that we do wrong; knowing and admitting the wrong we do every day, including the relational impasses where we, ourselves, are offenders.

The moment we see our offense and stop focusing on theirs is the moment where hope rises for reconciliation.

Forgiveness enfolds God’s hope for a relational miracle, yet forgiveness isn’t possible unless we shift the focus off the other person’s fault. For us, it’s not about what they did wrong; it’s about us and what we could’ve done better or shouldn’t have done.

Forgiveness is possible only when there is admission and acceptance of wrongdoing, where one is contrite and the other understands and is merciful. It is beautiful when forgiveness is sought and given.