The tragic legend of Narcissus and Echo for today

Narcissus, as Greek mythology would have it, was so attractive that many women wanted him, but his heart was hard, and he rejected all the love cast toward him.

When Echo, a maiden, followed him, fell for him, and finally revealed herself to him, her infatuation was unrequited. Like with all the others, Narcissus pushed her away, and in despair, Echo roamed around aimlessly and became what we now know as an echo sound, a mere reverberation of her former self.

This is when Nemesis stepped in. The goddess of reckoning and reprisal, she learned what had happened to Echo and vowed to punish Narcissus. She took him to a pool where he was found to linger lustfully at his own reflection, and as water reflects the face, so his heart reflected who he was—in his case too much in love with himself, to love someone else, which was ironic, given he was so very insecure within himself.

As Narcissus peered into the still water’s surface, he discovered with utter disillusionment that his love could not materialise, so he despaired and took his life.

Out of Narcissus’s death, however, from the ground to which he had fallen, fell a seed. What emerged was the vibrant and fragrant flower, Narcissus, proving that beauty can only come to life when the excessive and obsessive self-love dies. (Which is not to say that self-love in and of itself is wrong. If we don’t have enough of it, we may despair for the opposite reason.)

How the tale plays out in real life…

The narcissist is naturally very attractive. Women fall for him. There’s something about him that they, and everyone else, just cannot work out. It’s the allure of the charismata.

No matter how charming he presents, however, he has a hidden self that is hidden even to him. He cannot see himself, and therefore he cannot help himself. And others can never really know him, either.

Finally he sees the only thing he can love—his own reflection—and he despairs of that, finding it unconscionable within his unconscious mind, and punishes everyone in sight because of it, transferring all that weight of self-hate onto others. Yes, that’s right; he’s the confused epitome of self-love and self-hate at one and the same time.

The narcissist is ever distant, and while they may present the ubiquitous façade of intimacy, once they have a partner ensnared that intimacy is but a cruel promise that is never again fulfilled. That partner literally lives the rest of their relationship with them, every day, riding the merry-go-round of hoping for better than the tantalising despair that has become their lot.

Let’s call the empath, Echo. She falls for the narcissist, because there is an echo in her own soul needing love; as there is for all humanity. It’s a God-shaped hole that only God can fill. But the empath finds the narcissist a very close match. So close but yet so far, however, because he’s a cheap counterfeit with looks like God (the incredible charm that looks holy and beautiful) but he has in fact got the opposite substance. 

The lessons…

The empath must be constantly on her guard of the presence of narcissists at all times. She is susceptible for good reason. She trusts. She believes. She hopes. She perseveres. She is so ready to love. It’s that hole in her heart that only God can fill, and yet there are godly men; they’re just not as obvious to her. And, of course, the narcissist detects the empath and locks on to feed.

There is hope for the narcissist. But only through death does beauty shine through. It’s the same for us all. Only as we live the death of Jesus does his life shine through ours and give others life.

The narcissist has no hope until he loses his life to save it. He must admit he’s hard of heart, because he’s self-obsessed, and he must see his pride, and repent of it. He must enter an aggressive program of recovery. Statistically, the odds aren’t great, but if I were a narcissist I’d depart that hopeless and hateful existence and fall headlong in love with God, the Saviour.

Unfortunately, there are so many narcissistic Christians. They’re often charismatic, but not always. The obvious ones are hardly a problem, however, (except many are trolls) because they present as toxically obnoxious. Why do we even entertain the ‘Christian’ troll in their narcissistic escapade by entering into the futility of a discussion? Wisdom decrees, “None of it!” Except to avenge an innocent one, then it’s about being shrewd.

The ones we have to watch have a particular charm,
where the toxic barbs lie hidden just below their surface.

The narcissistic Christian enjoys power. They cultivate a fellowship of people who agree with them. They do not tolerate disagreement, and always retaliate. Instantly they project any heat coming their way onto others through the blame language of gaslighting. They are always right in their own eyes (they do not consult with others—they think they do not need others). Especially in terms of their own biblical interpretations, their defence is always couched in attack. The fact there is no love in them shows there’s no truth in them.

It is very unfortunate that the narcissist’s self-love comes across as a love for the other, at least in the initial stages of the relationship, until it becomes obvious to both that that love is for one and for one alone; the narcissist, himself. Even when he pleads the integrity and quality of his love for her, all the while really thinking she’s not good enough for him.

The word “Narcissus” literally means “narc” for narcotic or “stupor”. The narcissist might as well be intoxicated, because in terms of them seeing truth that would liberate them and everyone else in their sphere, they’re inebriated beyond seeing it. They’re intoxicated beyond seeing their own toxicity.

NOTE: not all narcissists are men, but in the tale and in real life most of the problematic ones for violence are. This is not to say there aren’t violent narcissistic women out there. There are.

Photo by Alex Radelich on Unsplash