The empathetic world accommodates narcissists

You’ll have noticed this in your corner of the world, I’m sure.  Tennis player Nick Kyrgios sends best wishes to opponent Rafael Nadal who’s had to withdraw from their semi-final Wimbledon match, and for a moment the world says, “Oh... that’s nice.”

The secret and unspoken hope is that this nice gesture might actually represent a better, kinder heart in Kyrgios, but of course, that’ll probably never happen, or if it does, it’s likely to be the case in a couple of decades time.

Let’s take another common scenario.  You’re in your workplace and someone who is normally harsh and entitled, selfish to the extreme, does you or someone else a favour, and suddenly there’s a heart that praises them especially for this ONE seemingly kind act.

The truth is our world has only one answer to those who make it impossible for those of the world.  The world accommodates those who accommodate nobody.  Even as these accommodations are being made, as individuals, we truly wonder what is going on?

More and more space is made for those who leave no space for others, and more and more grace is available for those who have and give no grace.

What are we to do about this?

Our opportunities are to:

§     Make much less ado about little “nice” things that narcissists do

§     Notice our individual and group fawn responses as we thank the narcissist for doing what we don’t thank others for

§     Check in on systemic injustices that give more favour to those who don’t typically care about anybody other than themselves

§     Begin to appreciate the more consistent kindness, gentleness, patient, and grace-giving behaviour of empathetic people

§     Gently though firmly call out behaviours of entitlement and selfish exploitation—if it can’t be done safely with the individual then call it out to those with influence.  These behaviours don’t represent values that are to be aspired to

§     “Read the room” and vocalise the elephant nobody’s talking about.

Behaviours of accommodating the narcissist for the little they do to counter the atrocities they’re otherwise known for do nothing for those in the narcissist’s firing line.

There is strength in numbers when it comes to gentle though firm social action, because if the narcissist is always pandered to, nothing will change and kind people will always pay for those who don’t give two hoots about anyone else but themselves.