What’s the best wisdom you ever received from a mentor?

Two years ago I asked the question posed in the title, and these, below, were some of the responses.  I am not going to quote people because some people aren’t comfortable with that, and besides, these are nuggets of wisdom come from somewhere else.

“You don’t need to fight every battle
that you are presented with.”

Defying our instinctual responses, the higher mind function of the neocortex simply requires us to pause and think, because just about every offence is a ruse.  The calm response at least provides us with balance as to how to act if it’s necessary.  Often, however, this is a hard-won wisdom of making our mistakes and entering problematic situations too willingly and paying the price for it.

“Nobody MAKES you feel a certain way.”

There is a great deal of truth to this, but we also need to ensure we don’t gaslight people in the process, in cases where people are living in toxic situations with impossible people.

The truth in this quote is ultimately we do choose our emotional responses.

“Don’t believe you’re ever as good 
as the best person tells you... 
don’t believe you’re ever as bad 
as the worst person tells you... remain humble.”

This is such a liberating truth for those who are given to fanfare, where conceit might be a stumbling block.

“People cope according to their values.”

People’s responses emanate from their values.  We choose our coping through our personalities and beliefs.

~

“Trust God, more so than any other person.”

“Accept a blessing when it comes.”

“Don’t make big life decisions when you are struggling in the trenches.”

~

“Do it now.”

How many of us are thwarted because of our procrastination?  If only we made the decision, using the decisiveness of our minds, we would get more done and we would be further along, and we would have fewer damaged relationships.

“Think twice so you only do it once.”

A bit like, “measure twice, cut once,” this advice saves a lot of rework, and yet as human beings, we’re destined to do a lot of rework.  Why is this?  We’re not always the best judges or discerners of situations.

“You don’t know if you cannot cope, 
you haven’t been through it before 
to get a term of reference.”

This is so true to life, given that just about every circumstance we face is new in some way.

“Use your powers for good, not evil (i.e., the true meaning of meekness).”

The backend of this wisdom is intriguing.  The true meaning of meekness seems to be central to the bookends of Romans 12:9-21, “Love must be sincere.  Hate what is evil; cling to what is good... Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”  Can there be any better advice or vision for life than this?

“In a world where you can be anything you want, be kind.”

Another challenge to overcome evil with the good of kindness.

“Don’t push the river.”

Accept the flow of things that cannot be changed.  Rivers are irrepressible and powerful.  It takes patience and humility not to force the pace of life especially when things are going against us.

“Do the hardest thing first.”

This is a bit like, “Do it now.”  There’s power in this wisdom.  I have always, as a general rule, eaten the least tasty food on my plate, and saved the best until last.

“The people crying at your own funeral will be your family.”

The moral in this quote is don’t put your work ahead of your life to the detriment of your family relationships.

“We judge others by their actions, yet ourselves by our intentions.”

The role of bias is something we need to cater for.  We always need to understand that we cannot see other people’s intentions, and neither can they see ours.

“The days are long, but the years are short.”

This is particularly wise for parents, because the parenting journey seems to take forever to accomplish, and yet as you look back afterwards you can really wonder whether it happened at all.

~

“Anything worth doing is not going to be easy.”

“Your history doesn’t have to be your destiny.”

~

“Learn to say no and learn it now.”

The quicker we learn to say no when we need to, the more empowered we become in an instant.

“It’s not you.  You are not crazy.  
What happened really happened 
and you are not that bad.”

Particularly those who are victims of abuse, who have been gaslit, need to read these words and believe them, and better so, to hear them from a loving friend.

“Don’t think you will change him or her once you are married.  If you feel there is something that needs to be address now, address it now.”

So many of us have entered marriage with unconscious expectations that our partner would change given time and the opportunity.  It is better to enter marriage committed to speaking the truth in love, and best to have operated that way beforehand.  One of the death knells of marriage is the incapacity to speak the truth in love.

“The students are here to learn from you as a teacher, not to be your friend.”

Such wise advice when we live in an age where we think we need to be friends with everyone.  Some roles call us to be something other than a friend, especially as parents.