There are TWO in this relationship

We have all been in relationships that went one way—their way.  Yet, whether relationships thrive, survive, or die, there are two—there are always two.

Relationships cannot be a one-way street 
where one person always has priority.

Relationships are the opposite of the system enshrined in criminal law, which is “innocent until proven guilty.”  Relationships always work on the premise that others are guilty until they are proven innocent.  This is shown by the fact that we must ordinarily EARN the respect of another to be respected.

We must always win their respect 
before we are trusted, 
and there are good reasons for this.

We err and set up boundaries for those who have not proven their trustworthiness or who have a record of untrustworthiness.

It only stands to reason that, being creatures of choice and free will, we would set up our lives to ensure they can succeed.  An inherent part of this success is our personal psychological safety and that of those we care about.  Wherever we cannot guarantee that psychological safety, we create systems and barriers like boundaries to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe.  Everyone does it.  

We cannot get upset if we feel closed out.
If someone does not trust us, 
they have their reasons.

Part of being capable for relationship is 
being able to respect and accept boundaries.

This requires the psychological ability to be ADULT.
Not all adults have the psychological ability to be ADULT.

The psychological ability of an ADULT 
is the capacity to be these five things: 
LOGICAL
REASONABLE
RATIONAL
RELIABLE
REALISTIC

Wherever we cannot accept or respect another person’s boundaries we stand to be further sanctioned.  It’s not that the sanctioner is bad.  They are just protecting their lot, and that’s their role.  Again, everyone who demands their psychological safety does it.

To be in a relationship—any relationship—and not respect boundaries is relational treason.  People who cannot respect boundaries are betrayers of what is good and decent.

When people transgress boundaries at will, they say to the other person, “Look, take note, I cannot and will not respect your boundaries, so live with it!”  Any reasonable and good thinking person will create distance between themselves and someone like this.

What is maddening about this phenomenon is those who insist that people bend to their whims at all times also will NOT receive any feedback and don’t have any capacity to change.

Only those who can understand and accept when a person does not feel psychologically safe proves they are capable of holding a trusting and mutual-satisfying relationship.

It’s like we must scream it from 
the rooftops for it to be heard: 

There are TWO in this relationship, 
so why is everything going one way?

And yet, as I said, it’s only those who are capable of relating who can hear this.

If you are a person who has had people push you away, give yourself some introspection time.  Could it be?  This could be your time to see the truth and repent.

My motive in writing this is to equip people to relate better, more safely, and in ways that respects the space they are entering.  I’m prepared to risk upsetting you if it will mean you might move into a space where you are psychologically safer for others.

The irony in all this is those who are psychologically safe for relationships already reflect and see their wrongs and they are avid in correcting those wrongs.  But people like this cannot do ALL the work in the relationship—they can only do their own work, and the shortfall cannot be left as theirs.

I’m at a place in my life where I simply won’t relate, or waste my time, with those who have an agenda where there’s room only for their exploitation of me and the situations we share.  Entitlement is the square peg in the round hole of relationships.  Empathy must run two ways if the relationship is to be sustained longer term.