The Love Languages of Pastoring

I love coffee and drinking it with others is a favourite pastime — especially supporting people who are going through a tough time.  

But it got me thinking about what people being supported might prefer.  Does everyone go for the “quality time” of spending time with a pastor or chaplain, or do people prefer other forms of support?  Certainly, drinking tea and coffee together is a common mode of care in receiving pastoral care, counselling, wisdom, mentoring, etc.

When I reflect, there are people I’ve supported who have not so much needed or even wanted my time.  Some just appreciated a simple word of encouragement or hope.  Some find incredible support in the concrete hope of verbal or written validation.  Some pick up these mementos of encouragement and re-read them (cards, notes, texts, emails) again and again.

I know others that simply like being helped practically — they who really like serving often like it when people serve them back.  It’s a unique form of consideration to help someone who is always helping others.  For many, it’s a practical love language; if they’re struggling, the offer of practical support is really appreciated.  

Some like getting a gift or giving a gift, loving with a tangible generosity.  Many people feel loved when they receive a thoughtful gift, just as some feel loved when a person receives with gratitude a gift they’ve given.  

And particularly in my work supporting firefighters and emergency services personnel the physical touch of hugs often works well.  There are some situations where I’m cautious of offering or giving hugs or other physical gestures, but there are times when it’s a great way of showing love.  

How do you like to receive support from your pastor?  

IMAGE: my 2025 Father’s Day gift from my five grandchildren.