Falling for the One God’s In Love With

People with anorexia nervosa, just for one instance, may struggle to recognise the observable truth as everyone else might observe it, with regard to their outward appearance. It is a tragic irony, that, whilst they feel fat, they atrophy more and more to the point where it is an alarming risk to their health. The psychological premise to this condition has already threatened and compromised their well-being.

But we may all have conditions about ourselves where we fail to recognise golden truths that are important, particularly, in this case, in regard to our relationship with God – and what God thinks of us.

Everyone is in relationship with God, whether they believe in God or not, because life necessitates every single person, and life – the creative, dynamic life – is God.

We have the opportunity, as we sit or stand or lie down, to comprehend this truth: in God’s eyes you are beautiful.

God conceived you in his mind well before you were conceived in your mother’s womb; well before your mother and father, united by the exchange of their genetic material, surrendered themselves for the other. You were conceived in love, notwithstanding the circumstances of your conception. God was there overseeing every detail, notwithstanding the situation your mother and father were, individually, in.

God ensured it was you who was conceived, and by natural or even artificial conception, you won a race of one in 1,000,000 to claim the prize of life as your own. Nine months before you breathed your first breath you won your first race – your biggest triumph – and God was there cheering you on, having designed in his perfect plan that you would be the winner! It was the first time that God’s plan and your faithfulness to follow God’s plan came together. And you weren’t even required to ‘be’ there. God was already showing you favour.

Knowing how beautiful you are to the Lord your God requires a response.

You must do all you can to fall in love with the person God is in love with – you. This is no personal obligation, but an obligation we have to take God at his Word. Understood this way it’s easier to do God’s will – it’s for your own benefit. Who would stand against themselves?

***

Obeying God is, first of all, about believing his truth: he who created you, and who thinks you’re beautiful and perfect, wants you to agree. When you have agreed, and you can love and accept yourself as he made you, then you may be used more and more for his glory.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

Soul Care – A Gift that Gives Back In Abundance

“The closest thing to being cared for is to care for someone else.”

― CARSON McCULLERS (1917–1967)

The reason there’s not enough care to go around is there hasn’t been enough care given; that’s because the whole world is broken, to the last human being. There is a reason why, when you go to your pharmacy/drug store, and, in being served by an inadequately supervised sixteen year old, you get short-changed on advice.

There is not enough care. It’s not any more elaborate than that.

Everyone is missing out.

Yet, when one person sacrifices for another, both are blessed!

The situation is easy to remedy but more people need to know the power in caring; to soul care – which is to stare a person in the eyes and ‘know’ them. It is to stare into a person’s heart, and they will invite you in; if you’re caring. It is to ensure we live that moment for them – and get this – in the totality of trust that God will provide everything; even down to our own personal needs for acceptance, love and recognition.

***

Something we give that is never a cost,

Is the gift of us to the one who’s lost,

When we give to them that needs us so,

God redoubles joy; His love they know.

God gives to us in the abundance of our love,

When we guide that one to His love above,

With kindness and compassion and mercy to boot,

New friends go away complete with plenty of love’s loot!

***

Caring for somebody else can be done with any attitude we like, notwithstanding their attitude toward us. They may not appreciate us, but we know God does. When we block out our egos to the point of pleasing God alone, our Lord tips in the vitality of consciousness of blessing we need to sustain our efforts.

Our opportunity is to take God at his Word. We bless others not for our own blessing, but, as surely as night is night and day is day, God does bless us.

When we commit to a selfless level of soul care, God gives back, and he gives back abundantly.

***

Caring is a rare and raw kindness that gives back; it’s a gift to them and us. God blesses the servant who puts their needs, desires, and plans on the backburner. Nothing may please God more. Soul caring is the care we give at a soul level. It penetrates superficiality and journeys with others just as they are.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

No Defence, No Attack, Peace to All

Imagine a thought-world where you would neither perceive the need to be defensive nor would you think in terms of attack. All that would come into your mental processes would be dealt with in an unemotional way, and everything communicated would also be conveyed without negative emotion. Your relationships would be, in the main, positive.

Such a mental space would have no armour-plated shell protecting what’s inside you by defending in counter-attack.

Being beyond defence and beyond attack is a cherished state of the joyous life.

And whilst many may feel it is an unrealistic goal, there is no question that to harness just some of it would be beneficial.

Being Beyond Defence

Even though both issues are linked — being defensive and attacking other people — they can, for the purposes of our thought, be separated.

Being beyond defence is the ability to manage our interactions in such a way that as we feel ourselves becoming defensive, in the moment, we ask why, without giving into the defensiveness if we can. The other person may not intentionally evoke our defence. And they certainly don’t want to be attacked, which is what a lot of defensive action consists of.

There are a plethora of reasons why we would be defensive. There is no shame in it, because it is so common. But knowing why we are defensive, and not submitting to our defensiveness, is the key.

We need to find ourselves in a position where we cannot, or will not, defend ourselves, unless, by right action, we need to defend ourselves. In other words, defences that lead to attack are the defences that we seek to eradicate.

Defences that are necessary to protect our safety are very good defences and should remain, always, for our safety.

When we understand that other people’s attacks are them transferring their anguish and frustration onto us we can afford to extend, to and for them, a little compassion. We can also understand our need to get beyond attacking others.

Being Beyond Attack

Likewise, when we are in a position-of-mood where we might attack others we are improperly positioned. Our scope for mental and emotional vision has narrowed to the point where we see others as the enemy; like, others are to be fought.

This is generally illogical.

Apart from times when we must attack to provide for our safety, in order to get out of a dangerous situation, attack is a highly inappropriate and insufficient response.

Being beyond attacking other people is about being right-sighted about ourselves, and knowing about the threats to our emotional and spiritual peace. When we are beyond attacking people we are safe to be around. People trust and respect us.

***

The best people to be around are those who are beyond defence and beyond attack. They are safe. We are at peace with ourselves when we are neither defensive nor attacking. It’s a peace to ask God to cultivate within us — a peace that gives to others.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

Thank God It’s You They See

THERE WAS a cab driver who drove as a mission for God. He would pick up people from all walks of life, and he would rely greatly on the Spirit to inspire him to do one thing that would distinguish him from the rest of the cab drivers in his large city. His favourite customers were those who were down on fortune, the elderly, widows and widowers, the poor – even those who he knew couldn’t afford the fare.

He would treat them all kindly, and his kindness was always based in believing each person he met was a good person; his mission was to ‘make good people better’, by making them feel better – about life, about themselves, about the world they lived in.

Sometimes people needed a chat. So he would spend the time listening. Other times, when he could tell them looking intently at the meter, he would say at the end of the ride – “You’re my tenth passenger this shift – that means you’ve ridden for free! God bless you.” Some would query him, (“Are you sure?”) whilst others would simply just thank him. Sometimes he could tell the person needed encouragement – he would find out something about them they were passionate about and then he would encourage them around that.

Every time he was able to bless a passenger he received from God an abundance of reward: to know that it was he and not an abusive, unfriendly or uncommunicative cab driver that God had chosen for this particular passenger. That gave him a great deal of delight.

The cab driver loved his job because he had the freedom to work for God. He didn’t work for some cab company – he worked for the Lord himself.

***

And so it is for us. We can choose to work for a master or for The Master.

When we imagine the profound impact that can be made in a 5-minute interaction of kindness, and we know we’re doing God’s bidding, we are filled with the blessings of having known: God appointed us for their blessing.

They weren’t abused by somebody else. They weren’t lonely in another person’s company. They weren’t treated unfairly. They were treated with grace.

This is our everyday opportunity: to give the person we see our full, creative selves, so as to give them a gift they couldn’t have expected. We’re blessed to be a blessing and how wonderful it is that the other person interacted with us and not some abuser, unfriendly, or scheming type.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

Being Real About Disguises for Sadness

Sadness isn’t always readily apparent, but frustration, annoyance and anger or pretending to be happy when we’re not may often be. Sadness, potentially, underlies the negative emotions of life. These are times when we cannot control life, and, beyond the logical mind that knows that control isn’t the point, we still want to control it. These are times when we’re devoid of protection to deny; when we’re stripped bare; when we take things honestly but painfully. Yes, when we take pretence away, the soul unembellished, there is sadness. And we can grow to welcome it.

This, we don’t need to run from.

This, we don’t need to fear.

Touching this is part of our healing — an ongoing process with no ultimate destination this side of eternity. We can only hope we remain open enough when negativity strikes, because sadness will often underpin it. Sadness seeks consolation. We can console ourselves and seek the consolation of others.

Digging Deeper Down To Our Sadness

There’s plenty of theory suggesting we have repressed selves where experiences too dark were tidily shelved away, because we had no way to cope with them, or because we were told they were too dirty — causing us to shamefully forget them.

Deep within our unconscious minds, no matter how well-adjusted our upbringings were, resides a meaningful sadness that invites us to touch it. Doing such a thing, however, requires a rudimentary, tenacious sort of courage. Things buried so deep were put there because of the pain involved. But having the courage to go down there — something all of us are capable of — is to be richly rewarded.

Digging deeply down to our sadness, reliving the darkest areas of our lives, redeems a feature of life we can acknowledge if we choose to. Nothing there is rightfully shameful or guilt-inflicting, though we may feel these very emotions. Logically, we spend time accepting those parts of ourselves we’re most sad about.

Other Things Revealing Sadness

Many of our most negative emotions are a cover for deeper sadness; anger, anxiety, even pretentious happiness.

These negative emotions are a trigger for deeper exploration.

When we’re in a mood, instead of allowing it to continue, we can enquire of our state of mind and heart beneath; just to see if the mood reveals a deeper lack, for they often do.

There are times when genuine sadness strikes at a very conscious level; again, we must honour such sadness, allowing ourselves time out — to be gentle with ourselves.

***

Negative emotions like anger, much everyday anxiety, and even showy happiness are often a cover for sadness at a deeper level. Everyone has sadness and it’s okay. Enquiring of our negative emotions to check for sadness, and to be there for ourselves, validates such sadness. We don’t feel so lonely or helpless.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

Overcoming the Soul Frustration In Depression

WHEN IT COMES to realness of self, we quickly delve into the material, the source, the direction, and the destination of the soul. We cannot escape it. Soon we deal with the ethereal. Soon we are in a place very unlike the world we think we belong in. Even those most spiritual of persons are awkwardly set in such a locale.

The consummation of a soul is a meeting with God – face to face, as it were – where, for one split second, we gain the spiritual wherewithal to know God is (or was) with us.

We know God’s presence has licked the innermost corner of our souls in this:

“Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears.”

— EDGAR ALLAN POE (1809–1849)

But there is also something that takes us away from this enjoyment of God by the manifestation of us, individuals, greeting our souls. When we enjoy such supremely developed beauty – like Pachelbel Canon in D – we have the very vehicle that takes us into the Holy of Holies, by the agency of our human-seeking-divine spirituality.

We must endure many levels of frustration in this life – some frustrations enter and reside at the level of our souls. If we cannot address these frustrations – making them better, or even acceptable – we find we sink further into the nebulous world of our soul’s frustration. Honesty is the key, and the courage to be honest; to be bold.

***

Frustrations they rise,

When our souls are scowled,

There our weakness lies,

Where our integrity’s fouled.

When we must lie,

And betray ourselves from within,

Our inner selves die,

And we find ourselves in sin.

***

Soul frustrations are those things within life that we lie about – that which, deep down, we know are true. What happens if we tell people we’re happy when we’re really actually very sad, confused, angry, or hurt is we lie only to ourselves, and we cause our souls distress.

When our souls are frustrated, we’ve gotten into habits of lying about how we really feel to the outside world. It’s like we’re one person in the world (our outer persona) and another person (with unacknowledged issues) within ourselves.

This is about being at one with ourselves.

When we betray ourselves then we’re in line for depressive illnesses – this is why during grief we may be thrust into depression; it’s because our identities have been torn, and our operating integrity is broken.

***

Depression can be thought of as a misfiring of our inner selves. Whenever we lose our operating integrity due to grief – when our identities are torn – it causes soul frustration. The inner fabric of our being is challenged and it flounders. What we must do to reduce soul frustration is simply be truer to ourselves. That takes courage.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

The Power-Violation-Resistance Dynamic

“Where there is power, there is resistance.”

― Michel Foucault

This is a great truth that leaders everywhere should be aware of. Truly inspiring leadership caters for perceptions around power, acknowledging that resistance isn’t something to resist; that it’s an opportunity to be harmonised. When we respect the expression of resistance, seeking to understand its oppositional power base, we may reduce the resistance through cooperation. The power of two is greater than the power of one.

Where There is a Violation...

... then there will be resistance.

Nothing is surer in the relational setting. And conflict, as it is, is a relational construct of two sides at odds with one another – whether it’s conflict within one person, between two or more people, or between two groups (or more).

If we understand the dynamics between people – and the inner forces of psychology that drive us all – we can subsume much of the passive aggressiveness and overt hostility in a sense of mutual productiveness. This we do by creating a relational relationship. They say that it pays to keep our enemies closer than our friends; there is a great advantage in having the interest and the pluck to maintain a troubled relationship.

Surely good leadership – and wise partnership (for that’s what true leadership is about) – is about knowing the influence of resistance. When we can lead in such ways as to meet the resistance through understanding, we gradually dissolve the resistance, for there is less to fear in those resisting.

But leadership voices that do not cater for resistance very well will increase the presence of resistance – unless they smash it altogether, creating a dictatorship. But there will always be tacit resistance in any case of a violation of power; the disjunct of relationship.

Relationships were always designed as vestibules of teamwork, and more-or-less the institution of power was always meant to operate as a dance. After all, who really is in control? It can only be God.

Our ever-present challenge is to come back to the solemn truth that one who insists upon being a friend to all is the one committed to forgiveness, because the relationship – and hence any project – lays contingent on our willingness and capacity to forgive. Forgiveness transforms power into something palatable and it’s a spiritual destination where resistance can’t stand.

“One who forgives an affront fosters friendship, but one who dwells on disputes will alienate a friend.”

— Proverbs 17:9 (NRSV)

***

If we have power or influence let’s know,

We’re positioned to stifle or to grow,

This is about the people we lead,

So let’s resolve now to sow good seed.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

What You Need Most In Your Counsellor

“... the best guides are willing to be silent yet present, and are comfortable with unknowing.”

— HENRI NOUWEN (1932–1996)

EVERY HEALTHY PERSON comes around eventually to this fundamental truth: we all need a counsellor, whether paid or unpaid. We all need wise guides who have the role of quietly speaking the truth into our lives – and the best of those work in the paradoxical fashion of dealing in the silence and in the unanswerable. They hold the moment and they show us that silence is friend. They are dutiful and dependable, trustworthy to the ends (by whatever means necessary) of their work with us. They are our cheer squad and our accountability partner, but neither overtly. We always have that sense of safety when we are with them.

Journeying into the Unknown, Willingly & Without Hesitation

What we all need more of is the capacity to venture into the unknown. This is why faith is a necessity to live a life that is full of mystery.

People may ask, “Why is it so necessary to venture into the unknown?” What is a fair enough question should be blatantly obvious. There are so many things in this life we have no answer for – and will never, in this life, have an answer for. If that answers the question, and I hope it does, let us move on:

Journeying into the unknown is an unsavoury prospect. We don’t want to go there. So we are best trained in seeing the benefits and being shown the process so we can do it for ourselves, willingly, enthusiastically, without hesitation. Such a thing has to be experienced firsthand. We have to journey into the awkwardness; to go volitionally into the pain or discomfort that such a commitment requires. Venturing into a place of nothingness – or what seems a void of anything meaningful – by faith – brings us to a surprising reality. We meet ourselves there. We are closer to God there. We are proximal to the truth, there. Being there is the centrepiece of life. Once we have been there, going back there is not so hard.

What we need most in our counsellors and spiritual guides is a fellow venturer. We need someone who will go with us, through training us, and who will accompany us, into the vast unknown that is the wilderness of our hearts. They, too, will share, by example, their own sense of vulnerability. They are safely vulnerable people.

***

He or she is there for you,

There’s no doubt about it,

They help us to hold to what is true,

And in that they help us sit.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

Accessing and Engaging Hope in Lostness

I DISCOVERED today, when meeting with someone in a counselling setting, that there is the possibility that we can feel lost in the midst of what is otherwise a very positive life. Feeling lost is not exclusive to those who live without hope. On the contrary, for some, feeling lost means there is a lack of purpose or direction, though everything otherwise is perfectly okay.

Accessing and engaging hope in our lostness is an attractive option, which is also an understatement. Of all things we can do to invest in, it is hope that secures us that sustaining confidence we need in plunging through the lostness of our current experience. Feeling lost may even be a crucial indicator of the soul’s inner desire and burgeoning passion to provide the energy and wherewithal to negotiate the next frontier.

This process of examination – where we have the opportunity to reflect and plan – is the soul’s enquiry into itself; us, into ourselves.

Fuelled with hope, sustained by passion to find our way, we push ever gently forward on that unique and critical pathway our Lord has paved for us. How do we know what this pathway looks like? It looks exactly like the steps we take. It looks precisely like the decisions we make. It looks just like our future looks as it unfolds. And whilst we discern the Lord, God is with us by our efforts of obedience.

Using the Past to Direct the Future

There is a vast beauty in the being of the person who has, relatively advanced in years, found their purpose in wanting the best of life to come.

Would God ever limit us in our desire to live the best of life? No! God desires that we live the abundant life, because God’s nature is to multiply blessing.

Whatever past we have, we amend it toward healing, or we appreciate the things we have to be thankful for. With life experience in tow, we are incredibly grateful for the things we have learned, and with this sort of attitude, we relegate our regrets to the kind of reflection that helps us let go.

***

Hope will spur us on, even when we feel lost, because it gives us confidence on loan. And such a confidence never disappoints. Hope will see us through, eventually, if we do not give up. With hope nothing can conquer us. Hope sustains our search for purpose, direction, and meaning.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

Mayhem, Calamity, Insanity... God’s Peace

MAYHEM, CALAMITY, INSANITY... words like this only begin to express the challenges that beset us. But we can climb over such a pervasive attitude by simply choosing to see a different truth; to be open to it.

In the busyness of life,

Racked with anxiousness and strife,

Temptation’s swarm to fixate.

Instead of feeling small,

We may stand erect and tall,

Just stay positive and don’t be late.

We can choose to flounder or flourish; to be anguished or to accept. We can achieve much in one 24-hour period if we work on being on time; for our appointments, deadlines and commitments. We can do most things well, but few things perfectly. Good enough is good enough.

Surviving for One More Day is Thriving or Nothing

We can choose to remain in this race of life by moping through it, or by choosing a confidence on loan – which is a confidence that is free – which is also a confidence that is real, in the Person of the Lord Jesus Christ.

We can afford the price of this confidence as we joyously do the one thing before us; only one thing we can do and that thing we can do. Only then is there the next thing. It doesn’t matter if this one thing before us is ten things. We do them if it’s possible.

When we add to our attitude of confidence, the willingness to stretch forward and diligently undertake what is for us alone to do, and we see the results for our patient work, we allow God’s Spirit to inspire ourselves.

Surviving one more day, and then one more, is a thriving life. Either that, or we are putting ourselves down and it’s a nothing life. We make that choice as to how we see and manage our lives. Nobody can do it for us.

But as we bend forward toward the realities that God has put before us, and we manage one, then the next, and the next, and so on, God shows us our faith to simply present as faithful – and God is faithful in giving us the reward of confidence to shine from within our beings.

***

A lot of life’s challenges can be contained and met simply in not being late. By planning ahead – and by diligently doing what we can do – by getting over our procrastination (which is fear) – we gain the reward of a relief from stress, and we gain confidence that we can succeed by our own courageous efforts.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.