Conflict is a part of everyday
life. We are at conflict with ourselves probably more often than we are with
others. Yet, conflict with others comes without warning. Having not predicted
many a ‘current situation’ (read: “Houston,
we have a problem.”) we end up being flummoxed by an unreasonable other—who
might reasonably think we too are being unreasonable. Hence a conflict emerges.
People who were, only a moment
ago, our friends and dear family—besides acquaintances we end up in conflict
with—can, for a time, become enemy No. 1.
Without anticipation, apart from
the wonder of 20/20 hindsight, we find ourselves disposed to anger for
betrayal, as they are too. But there is another outlook that comes into view,
even in the midst of the conflict—even as we and they fight.
This outlook is the vantage point
of compassion; for what they are going
through.
Switching Our Focus
We struggle to get past ourselves.
This is especially so in conflict. We polarise into our unmet needs, forgetting
the significance in the other person’s needs. Their needs are equally
significant.
When we switch our focus onto
their needs, trusting God to provide for ours, we not only have the opportunity
to see what they are going through, our attitudinal perspective becomes less
emotional in an instant.
All we are really called by God to
do in this relational world is love others as
we would have them love us. That’s easy enough to achieve when things are
going swimmingly. The true test is whether we can do this at times of conflict.
But when we switch our focus,
trusting God, even just to simply enquire within our minds how the other person
experiences this conflict, our compassion nurtures fresh insight. We gain some
God perspective. We don’t just see our narrow standpoint.
Switching our focus has the effect
of steadying us emotionally so we can work toward outcomes that benefit
everybody party to the conflict.
When we achieve this perspective
we find our own agenda is not worth fighting for; but the God agenda is.
Sometimes we may actually be advocating for the God agenda, in which case we
must simply revise our mode of engagement so ‘the enemy’ doesn’t feel so
cornered.
***
Turning conflict into compassion
starts with us. When we treat others as we would like to be treated, we become
less threatening and we invite reasonability to the conflict. There is justice
in a love like this. It works.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.