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Monday, November 11, 2013

Wise Up, Buddy

THIS IS for all the men out there, myself included, who occasionally need a wake-up call: like, “Wake up, start treating your woman like she means something to you; start being considerate; start talking to her like you are interested in her; and, start loving her as you did once long ago.”
There is probably an equivalent sort of message for women, too, like, “Don’t forget to respect who he is and what he does; don’t assume he likes taking the lead all the time, but, all the same, stop taking the lead as much as you do.”
But this article is called, “Wise Up, Buddy,” for good reason. It’s intended for men to read it and reflect over it. Not to guiltify them, but as a straight-edge to check themselves upon.
Why would I be qualified to write such a piece? Well, I’m a guy who has been on both sides of the fence – I’ve failed a wife by not wising up, in causing her endless frustration, and I’ve also experienced firsthand the frustrations of those young women I counsel who are sick of their partners taking advantage so much, or not investing emotionally in the relationship, etc.
Relationship incongruence is the big activator of conflict – mostly where there is the perception in one partner that they are doing too much or the other partner is not doing enough. It can be maddening to think that both partners feel they are bearing majority burden – this is particularly true in certain different dynamics. She feels she does too much of the housework, whereas he complains of her expecting him to have the garden manicured every weekend. Both are probably doing a good job, but both are probably underappreciated by the other – so far as they are individually concerned. Such conflict has no winners, but there are generally two losers.
For men, there has always been the onus of responsibility for protection and oversight of the family. He provides his partner with safety. She uses that assurance with which to build the family home.
It is time we men stood up in our integrity of our identity in Christ and resolved to make biblically sound commitments to turn back to God, regularly, in respect of our marriages.
A relationship with God helps us understand our relationships with others. As men, we can seek God regarding our partnerships in determining where we might be falling short. Revelation of falling short is impetus to repentance: to love her more; to love her better.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

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