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Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Giving Space So They Can Save Face


CONFLICTS arise everywhere in life and it’s not just about ‘them’ being unreasonable. Communication is not only about trust and the establishing of good intent; it’s also a maze of working through processes of due diligence, featuring qualities like courtesy, protocol, and attention to detail. We only need to identify the role of the memory in failing us, regarding our communications, and we have just one ‘suspect’ that holds us in contempt. Add to a failure to inform someone of something small yet significant to a lack of trust that’s already there, and BAM, there is conflict ready-made!
If we accept that conflict is a given in even loving relationships – especially in the closest ones – then we have unsavory situations where help is needed.
Giving space so others may save face may be the only encouragement they have to keep mind and heart open to resolve the issue.
One thing we don’t want to have in any conflict situation is polarization.
The Wisdom of Avoiding Polarization
Nobody likes to be pushed into a corner. If you want the best for everyone, you need to provide sufficient space for others to breathe emotionally. We cannot go the jugular and expect conflict to turn out well.
When we do fight tooth ‘n’ nail for ground in conflict situations – leaving no room for a review of position – we leave the other party no choice. Our polarization has proffered theirs.
Polarization sides with a lie.
Think of it this way; there is no way that any particular issue is more important than the relationship – when we contrast this in the light of God’s command to love our brothers and sisters.
Polarizing is one way we may determine – in God’s sight – that we are not as mature as we think we are. Whenever we give up on reconciling a reasonable peace, we might be in danger of siding with polarization. We would be against God’s purposes and will.
It’s wiser and more loving to open space up sufficient for the person to work into; so they can come toward us. Our goal has to be – over a handshake or a drink together – to agree that we both could have done better.
Be the one to provide space, especially when the other person feels they are tight in a corner.
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Nobody likes to be pushed into a corner. Conflicts can be resolved where space is provided. Space to save face is grace – give more than they expect, because the relationship is worth abundantly more than the issue.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

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