For many people it’s so very important to win,
But to win at all costs involves us in sin,
In a life that’s relational we don’t always get our way,
So try to elevate the person above winning every day!
The heart of passive aggressive behaviour is to manipulate. Winning the issue, asserting oneself, and fighting covertly to the bitter end are features. The better way is to elevate the relationship above ‘us and them’. It only takes one to start the ball rolling.
Remember love never fails.
But the trouble is we hate the sense of injustice, and, as we continue to love the person ‘against’ us, we are bound to get worn out.
So we need a vital knowledge: the opportunity is to know that losing with grace means everybody wins; and there is glory to God. It really is the application of, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing (so far as what their behaviour means in eternity.)”
Losing with Grace
The most powerful witness to the love of God in us is to be the proverbial ‘doormat’ with intention. It’s a gargantuan degree of faith to truly side with another person against us. Of course, it sounds absurd. But when we understand what our motive is to be, we understand – as they soon will – that we are a doormat for nobody.
We have elevated the relationship above the sum of both individuals.
The relationship has precedence over everything else, and when it does we both win; and we both win when nobody strives to win, but when we work together for the sheer sake and love of it.
This is love: that not one competitive iota exists between the two. When we have the integrity of such unity then we truly are a force to be reckoned with; in the best of ways.
We must not miss the simplicity of this message, for love’s sake: we were born to relate and we were purposed to relate: with God and our fellow human beings. For all else do we draw from love. And if we miss the start (the motive of love) we miss every sense of meaning, joy and peace.
Passive aggressive behaviour is the core reason why others make our lives harder than they need to be. But we climb above such a problem when we understand life is not about winning at all. Indeed, if we lose with grace everybody wins, and when we lose with grace we find we have won because we have loved.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.