Love is like resistance training

Me squatting 300 pounds in 1992

500 pounds was my best squat and deadlift. I could once bench press 330 pounds. And such was my leg strength I could front squat 350 pounds for 15 repetitions.

Resistance training agreed with me. I loved it. And I loved bodybuilding.

Resistance training taught me that my body could cope with much more than I thought it could. I pushed my body hard, and my body always surprised me with what it was capable of.

Most of all, resistance training taught me that the body adapts, it overcomes the stress placed on it, and it grows when a wise balance of training regimen and protein-rich diet are combined.

But there is something else we can do with the resistance training metaphor. This was highlighted to me by a mentor.

Recently, the resistance training metaphor was applied to love, through a course in Christian mediation, where it was stressed that the mediator’s role is simply to love people through effective process.

Is love a challenge?
Is love hard to do?
Does love require hard choices from time to time?

Anybody who’s been married for any length of time will attest to the fact that love in marriage is no straightforward concept. Love in other relationships is not always easy either, but for the time being marriage is probably the best illustration of why love is resistance training.

Love requires us to push ourselves beyond what we would selfishly choose, not unlike the choice we make to train when we could say ‘I can’t be bothered’. In marriage, we must ‘show up’ continually.

Love stretches us and forces us to trust that we have the capacity for it, not unlike the way we push our body when we engage it in mechanical resistance training. In marriage, we often need to trust ourselves to the unknown.

Love frequently tests us in the field of conflict, not unlike doing a forced repetition in resistance training with a ‘spotter’. Some marital conflicts threaten to blur into the realm of the toxic. But like a forced repetition, love succeeds in some seemingly impossible circumstances if we can just get a little help.

Love necessitates going willingly into pain, and serious resistance training is the very definition of physical pain.

Resistance training becomes harder the heavier you go,
just like the most burdensome people are hardest to love.

Resistance training stretches our bodies and forces our bodies to grow, just like loving people who are hard to love grows us mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

The fruit of resistance training is a tangible reward of a sturdy and strong body, and the fruit of love is an intangible reward of sturdy and strong relationships.

The love described herein is the form of agape love, which Thomas Aquinas said was “to will the good of another,” meaning that agape love is the love of goodwill in all circumstances.

Acknowledgement for this metaphor ‘love is resistance training’ to mentor Steve Frost.