The Church, A Bus Stop, and the Voice of Hospitality

A SERVANT of God with a heart for lost souls writes,

Why do I see so many People lining up to go to the Crown Casino?  6 buses full of people have just gone past in 10 minutes and at least 10 people were at my stop to catch one if those buses. Their cheap deals pull so many people in.  God’s offer though of free salvation does not get much of a consideration!!  We don’t have people queuing to go to church. 

From conversations with people at the bus stop, though, they are lonely and some have very little.  They just want somewhere to go to fill in the time at a cost they can afford.

The opportunity to chat at a bus stop is something that passes our mind if we think nothing of it.

But that wasn’t what it was like when someone took us aside to spend time just caring enough to say, “How are you today?”

“I mean, how are you really?” if they tended toward openness, as so many do, when we give them the time of day. “How are you… how are you, really?” With no strings attached to the question — no desire to give advice or judge or be condescending — there is a sweet window of time where a person might encounter God-in-skin.

Not that we, ourselves, are God, but we who have the love of God in us; we want to see this person ‘met’ by the Holy Spirit, even if they don’t recognised Him at work!

***

She sat there lonely for the bus to arrive,

Fiddling and tinkering with coat and glove,

I wondered what was her life inner drive,

Because only some of us know to look above.

“How are you?” out went my call,

Reminded was I of the Spirit’s shove,

Oh how good I know above all,

We all have the need of love.

***

What is it that sparks our interest in someone who looks lost in life? — The purpose of spending time at a casino for ‘fun’ seems such a waste of life to the regenerate.

To fill in the time at a cost we can afford seems a relevant life purpose.

Can the church be that attractional? Should we be? Perhaps we paint our church in colours of a building too much. The church went to the bus stop!

A person’s desire that someone lost might find their way to Jesus, through the majesty of the Holy Spirit; that’s the church, right there!

Empathy, compassion, understanding… three dialects of church… at a bus stop.

© 2015 S. J. Wickham.

Special thanks to Mrs. Glenys Forman who inspired this article through story at top. The poem is penned with her in mind in the first person.

Forgiveness When Everything Else Says “No!”

“THEY are treating you like family,” the wife said to her jaded husband, a little sick of being taken for granted by his supervisor and manager at work.

And, the fact of the matter, is his wife was never more right.

“But I don’t want to be treated like family if it means being taken for granted,” the husband said, just wanting to be treated fairly.

That’s often where the two cannot reconcile; one despises their treatment and the other has absolutely no idea (and the one with the problem is also not willing to draw attention to the issue. Perhaps they have good reason to think it won’t end well).

Forgiveness can’t get to first base unless faith has taken the first step.

And given that forgiveness is never instantaneous — it’s almost always a protracted process — we will never get all the way home if we don’t first make it to first base.

First base is confronting the issue in a way that values the other person. Maybe it’s providing feedback gently regarding how we felt. Sometimes it’s just a change in tact that brings space and openness. Space and openness facilitate trust.

Second base is cooperative interaction — the freedom of two to discuss a topic where the emotional stakes are high. This always takes a city full of courage. As two sister cities join together to discuss issues they might be ardently wed to, both release something of their vicelike grip on their control.

Third base is really the hope — the miracle of victory — which is always hoped for but isn’t always achieved. Many are run out at third base, because the heat gets too much for one, and the other is not willing to slow the process down. The onus is on the person who is not hurting as much to extend some unexpected mercy. Remember, the issue is all about a lack of trust. But when we give more than what would be expected, we will often get the person back to the table where we can continue being kind to them.

Home base is sweet, but only if we beat the throw. That throw is Satan’s last ditch attempt to stifle us at the scoreboard of relational contentedness. We are still tempted to walk away in one of our weaker moments when Satan tries really hard to talk us around. This is why we should never make wholesale changes when we are 98 percent the way around the diamond.

***

Forgiveness, baseball style: the runner hits first when faith is engaged. Second is reached when two are in respectfully active dialogue over the dispute. The slide into third occurs as a breakthrough of understanding is achieved. Home plate is touched when bitterness is torched and trust is revived.

When everything in us says no to forgiveness, nothing in us is able to forgive.

© 2015 S. J. Wickham.

Forgiveness When Assaulted By ‘Family’

“THEY are treating you like family,” the wife said to her jaded husband, a little sick of being taken for granted by his supervisor and manager at work.

And, the fact of the matter, is his wife was never more right. There is a cost to be borne for becoming part of a team (a family) — everyone who is part of a collective will, occasionally, be taken for granted.

Is it right or even appropriate to be taken for granted? Well, of course it isn’t.

But the fact will still remain; our associations carry us into the realm of relations with other fallen persons. None of us is perfect. Add the allowance we all make for a ‘special’ familial relationship — being bound together by agreement, blood, or contract — and we do take the ones we are bound to for granted. Especially if we can, by power or by role or by ‘need’.

They are treating us as if we were family when they take us for granted, become intolerant, and even nasty. And given the fact that many families have inherent dysfunctions, we can see that the inappropriate treatment we bear may simply be more of a reflection that we are considered family.

***

Where does this leave us if we are depressively disenchanted by our treatment?

How are we to forgive those who seem to oppress us?

Consider it a great privilege that we are being treated as family — as those who are loved that much that they are very real around us. Is there a more viable way? We can’t think of one. So, we must make room for something unconventional.

If, by forgiving the nastiness pressed our way, we are able to get through what we cannot otherwise change, we have masterminded and implemented a gospel wisdom.

James says, “Consider it pure joy when you pressed in with so many varietals of trial.” Or Jesus, “Take heart, for I have overcome the world.” Paul also commends us to “feed our enemies when they’re hungry,” and “give them something to drink when they’re thirsty.”

These, and many more, Scripture passages call us to transcend the anger that boils within. Only when we trust God in the moment and disdain our own needs are we able to give God room to show us the power in a momentary forgiveness.

We will never know the power of grace in forgiveness until we actually sacrifice our own needs so God can meet them at a higher level.

When we give our needs to God by refusing to insist on them, God honours our trust to forgive, meeting our needs in ways they could otherwise never be met.

Forgive today, forget tomorrow.

Forget tomorrow, freedom today.

Forgive today, understand tomorrow.

Forget tomorrow, heal today.

© 2015 S. J. Wickham.

Two Problems With Women In Ministry

BALANCE is the great challenge of life. Always has been, always will be.

This is a factual generalisation that is compelling. There is nowhere near fifty percent of politicians, executives, and church leaders who are women. It is usually a figure closer to five percent. Men are apparently better leaders. But is that true? Of course it isn’t.

This cultural catastrophe causes two problems: 1) it prolongs the bias against women (and it’s a bias held not just by men) as key leaders and it makes it harder for good women leaders to assimilate, feel included and of value, and be effective; and 2) it tempts women leaders to overcompensate in the power struggle that should never be a power struggle (but then we will never live in a utopian world!). Part of the bias in the first point is men and women against women in key leadership may, themselves, unjustly goad a woman leader, where, if she were male, there would be no such impediment to her work. So, women leaders may need abundantly more humility and resilience than most men do, just to survive.

Both of these problems, it’s incredibly sad to say, work against the lobby for women in ministry.

I say upfront; women have a great deal to give in key leadership roles in every organisation. I worked as a public servant for an Authority for several years where the CEO was a woman. She led that organisation through much industrial reform in a tough, male dominated environment, for over fifteen years. The harshest thing she ever said about anyone was that they were “charmless.” She encountered the worst behaved trade union organisation and met their aggressive crudeness, scare tactics, and dirty strategies with an aplomb her male general managers were no less than inspired by. How do I know? I knew each one of these general managers personally and each one had communicated this to me without any compunction. I had also had the privilege seeing her in my direct observation, walking the talk in the field. Ms. Kerry Sanderson[1] had virtue every Christian would envy. She had a royal presence about her. It was no surprise to anyone at Fremantle Port Authority in Perth, Western Australia, when she was sworn in as Governor of Western Australia. She is a woman who commanded respect because of her undying respect of all persons regardless of who they were or weren’t. There was no spot nor wrinkle in her that could be observed. She was the best leader I’ve seen to date. And she is a woman!

This doesn’t mean that her strategy for governance were beyond improvement. Complexity was something she thrived on, but complexity can be the undoing of great organisations. Yet, even in driving too much too quickly, she was a model of diligence and vision!

My point is this: the best leaders have elevated scruples. Gender has nothing to offer the debate. But integrity is everything. And both of the problems I cite with women in ministry highlight a lack of scruples and integrity in both the men and women that proffer too much their overvalued opinions.

Men (and women) who decry women in leadership lack integrity. They refuse to see what God would have them possibly to see. They may, at times, frustrate or block the will of God. Conversely, the women who rule by fear by insisting control be seized, and that coercive and position power be used, rather than personal, service, and information power, also lack integrity.

Leadership is a matter of integrity — humility, courage, transparency, honesty, impartiality.

Leadership is a servant-hearted act of integrity.

***

Now that the two problems have been considered, what is required? Simply this: to stop even seeing gender as an issue, for we vacillate to and fro between the great poles of indifference otherwise.

The more people are selected for roles based on gifting, integrity, and merit — with commensurately no thought for gender — the better every organisation is.

© 2015 S. J. Wickham.

---

[1] In October 1991, Sanderson was named acting general manager of Fremantle Ports,^[5] a publicly owned state government trading enterprise (GTE) responsible for Fremantle Harbour and attached facilities in Cockburn Sound.^[6] She was appointed chief executive officer (CEO) later that year, and was re-appointed for another five years in November 1997,^[7] going on to continue in the position until October 2008.^[8] As CEO, Sanderson was credited with "turning Australia's most inefficient port into its fastest", despite "prejudice against her gender, and the reputation of Australia's waterfront for being notoriously slack". She re-organised the company along total quality management principles and began charging fees based on cargo volume instead of time in port,^[9] with the company subsequently going from a A$37-million loss in 1990–91 to a profit three years later. She also re-negotiated with maritime unions, decreasing the number of industrial awards from 29 to six.^[10] Overall, Fremantle Ports more than tripled the value of its container throughput during Sanderson's time as CEO, with total movements (in tonnage) growing by 56 percent.^[11] Her replacement as CEO was Chris Leatt-Hayter, who was previously general manager strategic and commercial development.^[12]

The Grace That Overcomes Every Cruel Circumstance

GRACE encounters every injustice and makes a perfect justice conceivable.

It takes what we have found against ourselves and reframes it in a perspective of acceptance. At our own court — at the trial of ourselves — as our own prosecution — with no defence — grace stands up unexpectedly and makes an impassioned plea that convinces the Judge.

It stands there beside us, arm around our shoulder, bringing forth a truth that we have never come upon before. In gleeful disbelief a tear of sheer delight rolls down our face. We have met God.

Grace takes us away from the cold hard place. It leads us out into the light, where cool breezes massage the senses, where serenity seizes the moment.

Out in the wide open spaces of autonomy, hand in hand with grace, we find a world swelling with blessing. Joys abound upon joy; there is no limit to the expanse of the Spirit as he prevails through us.

This grace that overcomes, it holds us up in our despair, and, in that, it numbs.

This grace of the ages, it blends in all our stages, and enrols acceptance, where life’s an overburdening malevolence once reigned.

This grace — the veritable gift of the God of creation and eternity — makes all of life new; how it was always supposed to be.

This grace is a garden kept by the Gardener; the Guard of all Ages. Every good seed germinates and every good plant grows there. And whether we are seed or plant, we prosper by grace.

There is no guilt, no stain, and no shame, that grace cannot remove. There is no weariness that grace cannot proffer rest over. There is no assault that cannot be overturned at grace’s call. No bad thing prevails when grace superintends all good things.

Grace is a soft pillow to rest one’s head. It’s a still and calming ocean where safe shores are never far away. It’s the peace of reflection; a tranquil predilection; a very real sense of perfection.

Grace is an answer when we don’t even know the question to ask. It propounds our delight surrounding the mysteries of life and God.

Acceptance is the gift that grace wraps for us in divine cellophane.

Shalom — the deepest, most wholesome existential peace — is ours at grace’s hand.

***

Grace, grace, grace,

The prevalence of her peace,

She’s every divine release,

Toward us the turning of God’s face.

© 2015 S. J. Wickham.

The Gift of Receiving Love

Gifts are implicitly given.

What is given we cannot take any credit for. But we can give credit where it’s due!

What we take no credit for we can also receive with gratitude, which requires something of us that expends and exemplifies grace.

It isn’t always easy to receive. We don’t want to owe someone and therefore prove vulnerable before them. We would wish them to be blessed before we are, even though we know we are worthy of their esteem.

To receive a gift of love, comfortably well, we need courage — to stand in our ground of vulnerability and to accept that we are worthy of their — and God’s — esteem.

***

As I said in opening up, gifts are implicitly given.

God gives us the gift of receiving a gift with gratitude, which is the grace of humility.

How else are we to bless the person blessing us with the gift? They deserve their accolades for their inspiration and creativity — their love.

Only God can give us the grace of humility to stand the ground of gratitude; to not pass over our response too quickly; to look the person in their face, seek eye contact, and, with sincerity, thank them.

They have done something worthy of the eternal realm — to ‘speak’ love in the actions of care. And, with the gift of grace to receive the gift, we acknowledge their love with our own love for them.

***

The gift of receiving love,

Is a gift given from above,

Receiving the love of another,

Is how to bless a sister or brother.

***

Receiving tangible gifts from others with grace is a gift in its own right. It requires humility to stand in our vulnerability and sincerely offer the gift of thanks.

Only God can imbue us with the grace that is courageously vulnerable enough to be humble.

***

This concept was revealed to me during a season past where we, the pastors, were the needy ones. People gave with such generous and Spirit-filled hearts. Most generously of all, they gave us their prayers!

These lessons we learned — of taking the gifts given with gracious aplomb that can come only as a gift from God — are truly about the other half of love.

Love is not simply about giving; it’s also about receiving. We love people not only in how we give to them, but also in how we receive their love.

Indeed, it may be the most magnanimous love we can give: to receive another’s love.

© 2015 S. J. Wickham.

Forgiveness Through Reconciling the Pain of Regret

Regret is a powerful force. We are tempted to deny our regrets exist when the real opportunity is to wrestle with the pain and encounter forgiveness.

How powerful, really, is the temptation to deny our regrets exist?

It is one of the most powerful forces, because, whether we like to admit it or not, we hate pain. And regret is an oft-irreconcilable pain. It will seem easier to deny the pain ever existed. But the real problem is not the regret itself, but the false lie of a life we procure in its place.

Any pain that comes our way through our personal experience is a salient temptation to deny the sting of it. Why would we endure pain when we can deny it and move on with our lives? But denial is never moving on; it’s how we get stuck in maladaptive methods of maladjustment to life’s slings and arrows, for which there are so many.

How are we to wrestle with our pain?

We encounter our pain’s truth as we learn to stand firmly in God as we encounter our emotions, learning to hear what God in the Scriptures says to us.

There is no viable substitute for the truth. A truth honoured is a strength in our weakness. It’s the choice to honour what is real, what can be trusted, and that which is ever authentic, and so faithful as to be reliable.

Wrestling with our pain is sitting in the midst of the fire, taking all its furious heat, defying the flames as they scorch and singe.

Wrestling with our pain is taking the force of such an assault with the divine temerity of Jesus. As our Lord cried out for the Father to forgive his murderers, he stood in the midst of torment with the patient courageous meekness only God could muster.

What is the encounter of forgiveness like? How will I know it when I encounter it?

To encounter forgiveness is a miracle of sorts; many diverse sorts.

A weight is lifted from the burden of life. There is a sense of assured acceptance in knowing, that, whilst the past is done, the present and future lie gaping awake for a new thing.

Forgiveness is not only possible, it’s probable when we face God truthfully with the knowledge of God’s character and nature — God wants to forgive us.

Praying for real opportunities toward experiencing God’s freeing forgiveness is our task.

***

Regret is a waste and an unnecessary burden, shackling us to denial; a life dominated by fear. But the truth wrestled with is a truth that sets us free! And those who are called to truth, who venture by courage into their regrets, are freed indeed. Forgiveness is procured through a truth honoured.

© 2015 S. J. Wickham.

What Is Better Than Sex In Christian Marriage?

Where is God taking us in our marriages? Otherwise, what is his will for the union of two into one?

Such questions are primary for all of us who appreciate the sanctity of Christian marriage in devotion to our spouse for the life now and all of that which is to come.

What must God want for us to think and say and do in our marriages? How are we to discharge our ‘rights’ of the other person (1 Corinthians 7:4)? How are we to forego our own body’s rights? What does it mean that our spouse has claim on us?

These, and so many more questions, are the substance of Christian marriage. Only a union of two, themselves, are able to lay claim to the answer of such questions.

But here it is — the Summum Bonum of marriage — at least from a Christian standpoint. God’s will is that we would give to the other to the extent that we are able to remain in love with our spouse — that the quotient of our love would superintendent the past, and we would become lovers of our lover in the present.

God wants us to be in love with our spouse. He wants us to do what we need to do to remain in love.

Too many marriages are rent asunder because of our inability to remain in love.

And so many marriages might be predicated on not being in love in the first place.

Men, if we are able to remain in love with our wives, other women — albeit their inherent attractiveness to us — will always remain at a distance from our hearts. It is bad enough that we might partake in an attraction from time to time, but to take part in fantasy is to extinguish our marital love. We would fall out of love.

The key to falling back in love with the spouse of God’s choice for us is to be in love — to the point that our spouse becomes, as they were, the consuming focus of our lives.

It cannot be equalled in the realm of marriage under God — to be in love with our marriage partner. Satisfaction is redoubled into contentment because of God’s affirmation for our faithfulness; hardly a better, more assured state of heart and mind any person could achieve through grace.

***

Better than sex in Christian marriage is to be in love. Being in love is the pinnacle of blessing that amounts to an overflow of blessing in our spouse’s life.

Being in love is the precursor to the best sex life, but is never conditional on it.

© 2015 S. J. Wickham.

Adopting Jesus’ Easy, Unbeatable Way for Forgiveness

Easter reminds us of many aspects of God’s saving grace manifest in the cross of Christ, and of Christ’s divinity to defeat death. It also reminds us of a very basic yet thoroughly cogent concept: forgiveness — which is not about what the other person does or has done.

Forgiveness is more essentially about how we see their attributions of themselves and God than it is about us. This is proven the instant we see how indiscriminate they are in hurting those around them. Their hurting us isn’t as personal as we reckon it to be. Their hurting us is more about what’s going on inside them — their inability to see — or, their incapacity to care.

A person’s inability to see is fundamentally about what God gives them to see.

A person’s incapacity of care is quintessentially about their lack of love for themselves.

As we accept these truths, we are given to one more fact of merciful mastery.

As Jesus was nailed to the cross, the later manuscripts say, he cried out, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)

Our betrayer, our heckler, our accuser, our enemy has the very same problem — they simply do not know what they are doing!

Test it out if you doubt the veracity of my claims.

Take the person who just doesn’t see the hurt they’ve caused. Another way of putting it is, they do not know what they are doing or have done. They are blinded to it. They cannot see what is so obvious to us and others. There is no coercing them, either. We can rightly say, “Father, forgive them — and help me to forgive them — because they don’t know what they’re doing!” But there are consequences for such people: we don’t trust them anymore; they’re maligned; their credibility is dashed. Yet, they can be forgiven, because they do not yet know the weight of their fault.

If they sit on the more sinister side of the fence — they do know what hurt they’ve caused, yet they don’t care — they are affected similarly. They do not know — in their arrogant inconsideration — what consequences they’re storing up for themselves in heaven — and probably later in this life, too! They are too morally blind to care. We should pity them, for when God gets his hands on them they’ll know, alright! These people can be forgiven, because God’s justice is a solid and lasting justice. It always is.

***

The point of forgiveness — all the foregoing disregarded for the moment — is, we take the power and make the betrayer, the heckler, the accuser, our enemy, powerless. They have attempted to trump us with a commanding assault. But what can they verily do to us, whose thoughts and ways are higher than theirs? (Isaiah 55:8-9) When we opt to obey God we adopt his thinking, and that is the way to the surest victory.

***

Jesus forgave those who betrayed him because they didn’t know what they were doing. Our betrayers, alike, do not know. They don’t see or they don’t care. We cannot resent people for what God hasn’t revealed to them. But we can pity those whose justice is still coming. The Day of the Lord is terrible, indeed! (Joel 2:11)

© 2015 S. J. Wickham.

29 Ways to Get Unstuck

“If you have to keep wondering where you stand with someone, perhaps it’s time to stop standing and start walking.”

— Author Unknown

Seasons come and seasons go and we might be forgiven for thinking whilst at the halcyon heights that we have everything sorted. But pride comes before a fall. My 2010 was a case in point. It was a great year. But then came 2011!

Here are 29 ways to help us get unstuck from an unsatisfying season:

1.     Acknowledge your weakness and even major on it. Make it your magnum opus.

2.     Take a break by changing the pace and environment you’re in.

3.     Get around people, positive though realistic people.

4.     Don’t take no for an answer: persist!

5.     Enjoy what you loath and learn to loath what you enjoy.

6.     Consider being less interested in your own life such that others’ lives are more appealing.

7.     Take up something new and make every effort to put it high on your priorities.

8.     Go see your medical professionals and get intentional about getting healthier.

9.     Believe in transcendence, which is a spirituality of faith in the impossible.

10. When you’re mad, smile into a mirror (a genuine smile).

11. When you’re sad, smile into a mirror, and allow laughter, so long as you’re not ridiculing yourself.

12. If you’re glad, take a moment to think of those who have no clean drinking water.

13. Call someone you haven’t spoken to in twenty years.

14. Grace the centre stage of your former life, sit there and reflect.

15. Enjoy the vantage point of somewhere you’ve never been.

16. Throw all your past away without throwing who you are away.

17. It may seem novel, pray. (This really should not be number 17.)

18. For every month you’ve been stuck there is a month of growth deposited in the bank of good lessons.

19. Take a chance on destiny without allowing destiny to take a chance on you.

20. Decide to take your embittered heart out with you when you dispose of the trash.

21. Taste the water you drink, smell the air you breathe. Consume with your senses.

22. Try a night on the streets. You’ll never take your bed for granted again.

23. Imagine what you would do if you had an extra $143.65 in your wallet or purse.

24. Create something that has never been created before. Make something priceless.

25. Think up some wonderfully lucid thoughts that are drenched in holy fantasy.

26. Put an apple on your boss’s or teacher’s desk, if it won’t create more problems!

27. Collect up all your photos and start collecting heads, arms, hands and feet.

28. Reckon life to be an irony. Start entertaining, without living, the opposites.

29. Stop trying to get unstuck when it’s probably making things worse.

***

The strangest incident releases us from being stuck emotionally or spiritually.

The less we try our hardest the easier we find it is to learn and grow.

© 2015 S. J. Wickham.