Heart transformation is sadly really
quite rare, and this has levels of relevance and impact, from the ordinary,
garden variety Christian to sociopathic abusers within marriages and families.
If we’re truthful, we bear witness
within ourselves to a lack of transformation. I lived as a fake Christian for
12 years 9 months. When the bottom fell out of my life in 2003, I was brought
to the valley of decision. But, for years I lived as an unregenerate Christian —
someone God’s Spirit did not change, because my heart didn’t catch light. I had
not yet been set alight. I understood to a degree that Jesus was my Saviour,
but I did not have a transformed heart, though I did strongly desire it. I just
didn’t know what I didn’t know.
These, for me, are the signs of transformation:
You no longer defend yourself, but
you’re consistently quick to defend others — consistently against yourself — yes, you read that right;
Your insight has been awakened, and
you can see your sin, it troubles and even sickens you and compels you to be honest, and you have an unrelenting desire to see
it more and more — you hunger for more revelation — and this hunger is
self-sustaining; completely without, but also completely open to, external
prompting;
You advocate for victims, seeing
through the characterisation of genuine humility, your own failings;
You champion the rights of the oppressed,
and these are consistently others — not
yourself;
You own the times you’ve abused
people and situations and can see how quickly you may resort to manipulation — and
can admit your heart is crooked (the paradox: acknowledgement of a crooked
heart is the sign of a transformed heart);
You admit the capacity to abuse
people resides in you, and that inspires fear in you; you never want to go ‘there’
again — and you’re prepared to leave no stone unturned, in order that it really
never happens again;
You consistently see that change is
the only way — nothing else is good enough;
You have identified where you’ve
gone wrong so you can see how you’ll fall into such error in the future;
You’ve thought through the depth of
your sin and you remain in that place where excuses are no longer tolerated;
You tell on yourself, subscribing
like Sy Rogers to the idea that, “You tell on the sin or the sin will tell on
you”;
You’re prepared to ensure the weak
who have been abused in your midst are empowered and have ongoing structures of
support — including others like pastors and counsellors and trusted friends — that
will help hold you accountable.
Very importantly, many people who
know you best attest to the heart changes and call them a miracle of God’s
grace, i.e. you’re the last person who sings your praises, but others sing of
God’s glory regarding the changes that only God could have wrought.
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