Unless a husband submits to serve his wife, the family unit crumbles

A husband’s selfless love is a legacy for both his wife and children, and their children’s children.  This is obviously matched by a love of a wife committed to her family.

I’m reminded of the image of such a man who is gentle, humble, considerate, and importantly, unrestrained in the way he allows his wife to operate freely in this world.

He trusts her, but his unrestrained manner should never be confused for detachment.  He is intimately connected to her, and she looks at him with genuine affection and admiration — she does this because he is worthy of it, not that HE thinks he is worthy (often anything but).

A SUBMISSION TO SERVICE

A husband’s mission is missed if he doesn’t submit to the order on his life to serve his wife.

By service, I mean she is due his entire attention and he holds space for her at all times, always thinking ahead to her needs, foreseeing them, preparing for them, providing where he can.  He is humble enough to accept where her needs are served elsewhere and he facilitates this and perhaps this is the very definition of how he meets her needs in a holistic way.

The needs of a wife and family are not as simply identified as material needs; most often they’re relational, emotional, spiritual, and care within the character of humility is to be the domain of the husband.

Traditionally, husbands have been providers of financial resources, and the worst husbands didn’t so much fail to provide fiscally, but they used money and other tangible resources as methods and means of control and coercion.

They showed by this heart that not only did they not love their wives, they in fact hated themselves; they consigned themselves to an abominable place in the eternal setting, a situation that could only be reconciled through a later repentance.

PERFECTION?  NO!

It’s important to add that we’re not envisaging “perfect” husbands — far from it.  Indeed, the more a husband knows how imperfect he is, the more he will humbly account for this and quickly hold himself to account as well as allow others to hold him to account.

There is great gentle strength in a 
person who can be held to account.

He is quick to see his own faults, and instead of letting shame or fear drive him to anger, he humbly submits to the truth (which takes courage) and owns his error, sincerely confessing and repenting, and this heals him and all who are blessed to witness such a work of God that works from within him.

The golden paradox of a submission to serve is a fuller self-recognition of his frailties and foibles.  Blessed is any human being who is honest about how flawed they are.  They know they need others.  They know they must be honest when they get it wrong.  They are quick to set the record straight — and that is NOT about blaming others, it’s about getting the log out of their own eye.  This is a sense of utter alarm that harm has been caused by them, and the goal is quickly to set themselves on a path to reconciling the damage done.  Theirs is not a goal of self-satisfaction, but the satisfaction of others is their benchmark.

A SELFLESS HEART

At the centre of human beings who can submit into the service of others is a heart that sees as God sees.  This is not only possible in a husband, it’s a heart that is necessary for him to succeed to keep his family safe.

Most times I’ve found that wives tend more naturally to not only have this heart themselves, but they also look for and need this heart in their husbands.  Wives flounder without this heart, and there is such grief when she discovers he does not bear this heart.

I know of wives who were married twenty and thirty years who knew on their wedding night that he was not the husband he should have been.  Had he only had the heart to hear and feel her heart, their marriage could have grown, but he did not, and the entire family suffered consequently.

In all this, humility reigns.  Without humility, a husband cannot and will not submit to an appropriate service of his wife and family.