9 short lessons after a near-death experience

NOON on Monday October 17, 2022, a moment where life changes in an instant.  Unlike a thousand other times, this is no near miss on the roads, but a full impact from another car travelling at high-speed, punching my car hard in the left side, causing me to swerve, lose control, and run off the road into soft sand at 100kph, colliding with a barrier twice before coming to a standstill.  Amongst the twisted metal, broken plastic, and shattered glass, I reeve open my door, finding it strange that it doesn’t open easily, and as I moved to the front of the car, I notice puddles of oil and water leaking out of it, amid the smell of those hot fluids.  As I run forward to the car 50 metres ahead of me, the car that hit me, I yell out to people behind me to call 000...

As I’ve taken time these past four days to put the fragments of the experience together, I’m putting these into the following list:

1.             BEWILDERMENT – on so many levels I’m still bewildered.  How easily and how quickly it happened, how bizarre it was that someone did something so reckless, how powerful forces like velocity are, how frail us human beings are.  Bewildered, yet thankful, ever so grateful.

2.             SMALL STUFF – the fact is, so much of life, so much of what we waste our energy on, is small stuff.  When small stuff becomes all important, we’ve lost our perspective.  I’m sweating the small stuff less than ever at present.

3.             UPSIDE – I cannot help but see the upside on everything at present, and my hope is that this lesson doesn’t go away.  I really want it to stay, and to become how I operate from now on.  And there’s no better upside than walking away absolutely without injury.  How bizarre when I recall the forces on the car throughout the event.

4.             FAMILY – it’s all that really matters.  Those we consider family, that is; those who we have precious and sacred intimacies with.  Having lost Mum in late August, family is already front and centre, but ever more so now, I’m so thankful for the place my wife, my children, my grandchildren, my father, my wife’s family, my friends and colleagues, and the rest of my family have in the being of me, and just as much I appreciate what I offer those who are close to me.

5.             FUTURE – it’s irrelevant yet at the very same time it’s the entirety of our hope.  I’ve found this week has been the perfect reminder of the tensions we must hold with the future.  It’s crucial to our hope, but it’s also something we need to continually put behind us if the present moment is to take precedence.

6.             MYSTERY – I could use the words irony, paradox, or enigma, but I’ll use mystery.  I can’t master those few seconds that took place from the initial impact to when my car eventually stopped.  There are fragments of my memory missing.  All I can do is accept this.  There’s a lesson in life in this.  Acceptance is the only solution where mysteries confound us.

7.             HUGS & MOMENTS – ever more important than ever are the hugs and moments I can give and receive and have right now.  These are the real possessions that matter, not the things that can be bought and sold and held.  This week has taught me that the only things that endure are the hugs and the moments.

8.             CARE – in receiving many calls, texts, and messages throughout the week, I’ve reminded how important me being alive is.  I’m sure you’re like me; we need to be reminded occasionally of the huge hole we would leave if any of us left the world prematurely.

9.             EVERY DAY’S A BONUS – this is probably the most profound little lesson.  Every single moment I’m conscious is a bonus.  I mean the simplicity of nothing else than being outdoors and breathing, or indoors working, or running an errand, all with a mind empty enough to sense what’s to be sensed.