Emotional abuse can subsist under
a cloak of acceptance. And although it should be called for what it is, and
never accepted, it can be difficult to pinpoint by identification. There are at
least eight varieties of emotional abuse.
1. Aggravation (See Psalm 102:8)
People who tease or taunt us are a
source of acute aggravation. They aggravate our spirits and have the effect of cursing
our name—our very identity. Aggravation is a much personalised attack.
2. Intimidation (See Psalm 109:20)
Those that threaten us are
intimidators. Therefore, when we feel threatened we feel intimidated. This may
be a broad description for most types of emotional abuse.
3. Denigration (See Psalm 22:7)
We are denigrated when we feel
mocked. We feel singled out for ridicule and belittling. As a result of
denigration we feel smaller of spirit.
4. Humiliation (See Psalm 69:19)
Shame is a favourite ploy of the
emotional abuser. When we are insulted to the point of shame and dishonour we
feel humiliated. Humiliation and shame go hand in hand.
5. Manipulation (See Psalm 73:8)
Those that would oppress us,
either overtly or covertly, may either manipulate situations in our presence or
behind our backs. Control is the major issue in manipulation.
6. Domination (See Psalm 118:13)
When we feel pushed and aggrieved
by pressure through coercion we feel dominated. This emotional abuser is a
dictator. They insist on an authoritarian control with themselves at the head.
7. Defamation (See Psalm 31:13)
Character assassination is a tool
of the defamer. For all the good faith we may have built up, this type of
emotional abuser is seeking to tear all that down. When we feel we have to
protect our name we may be being defamed.
8. Condemnation (See Psalm 35:16)
Perhaps worst of all is feeling
condemned. When we feel that someone is out to destroy us we feel the cast of
condemnation against us. Understandably, it contributes to feelings of
despairing.
***
Those that operate under the cloak
of emotional abuse do so generally because of the level of hurt they have suffered. Their unreconciled
pain echoes forth damagingly.
An important step in rectifying
emotional abuse is naming it for what
it is. When we can describe it and talk about it (“I feel…”) we have achieved
vital milestones toward addressing it and eliminating it.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
Acknowledgement: to Pastor Rick Warren for his Saddleback Church
sermon, Breaking Free from Abuse: You
Make Me Crazy – Part 6. Warren
identified these eight factors as marks of emotional abuse from the life of
David in the Psalms.
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