In ancient tribal times, or
perhaps in certain cultural situations today, a boy had rites of passage to
manhood as early as 12 years old—not that he was a man physically, but he began
to be a man spiritually. These days, as it has been at various times in
history, it can take all a man’s life to become a true man; and only he can
tell—when he’s being honest. Our challenge, as men, is to embark on this
spiritual pilgrimage.
The essence of true manliness,
certainly in Christian tradition, is Jesus.
The study of this man’s life can
lead us to a better understanding of how to live life as a man. This article is
not about mapping that journey, for how could we map something so intricate, so
voluminous, and so variegated? No, this article simply sets out to introduce the
emotional challenges every man faces in traversing the vast chasm from boyhood
to manhood.
It is a journey that will reach
its completion no time soon; yet, certainly at eternity, for many men, it will
be accomplished. But, alas, many men will still go to their graves having given
up on becoming a man. The real tragedy is that some give up in early childhood
and never return to the shores of the land of self-discovery.
Embracing a Man’s Emotional World
Men are supposed to be emotionally
intelligent, just like women are supposed to be emotionally intelligent.
Emotions are not just the domain of women. This is precisely why we have many
of our societal problems; men are not being men emotionally.
But it is hard to be a man
emotionally these days. All of society, especially in advertising, media,
workplaces, and even in families, expects a certain ‘inadequate’ man. Our
environment somehow also wants him to be (emotionally) mature, but it doesn’t
provide him the right supportive context most of the time. In any event, our
modern man is self-conscious anyway. Is any man authentically comfortable, from
within himself, in most social settings? (I think the same challenges exist for
women.)
The Character of This Emotional World
God’s idea of a man’s emotional
world is a safe and strong and sound place for anyone who would go there—not
least of all for the man himself.
The point is his imperfections
characterise his emotional world and he is connected to the truth. He is
available emotionally. He doesn’t get it right sometimes, but it isn’t the end
of the world. He quickly moves on, but by first doing justice to what just
happened. He manages the complex social environment the best he can; he accepts
what he cannot change, and with courage he changes what he can. He is
appropriately diligent, prudent and not naïve, and he can feel what he should
feel.
In a very real way our idea of a
man is one who simply practices this
above. He can never say, “I’ve made it.” But what he can say is, “I know what
that mountain range looks like; I’ve been up there; and I will return as much
as I can; it is my purpose as a man of God.”
The vital clue in this pilgrimage
is truth—he can give himself away to the truth; he can be married to it; it can
form the very basis of his existence; his value for truth runs past fear; he
can do the things he doesn’t want to do; his fears don’t immobilise him—they
motivate him.
This is such a short article, and
so inadequate, for we’ve hardly scratched the surface.
But discussing the pilgrimage from
boy to man is a never-ending discussion. It is to be every man’s purpose. If it
is his purpose he will have correct direction and he will serve society well
and he will obey God.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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