Why Change If He/She Won’t?

LOVE OUR NEW DESK CALENDAR, The Two of Us, by Janvrin & Selleck. These ‘nuggets of sense and laughter’ make a day’s focus simplistic, yet powerful. Get a load of this; a ‘Thursday’ offering:

“It is unreasonable to expect your partner to change if you are not prepared to make changes yourself.”

Huh! How do you just like that?

We know, of course, it’s implicit in us that we want the whole world to change despite us. We can be trapped in this thinking: ‘I do my 50 percent; he/she should do their 50 percent.’

That sort of thinking makes sense in almost every other area, but not in relationships. It’s certainly the case in customer-supplier arrangements, but life partnerships are hardly this sanitised. (Besides many customer-supplier relationships go off the rails too for the very same reasons—uncommunicated and non-agreed expectations.)

In the perfect world we’re loath to hold back on our contributions for change, ever so small, and we’re also loath to expect change from our partners if we too won’t change.

But a better, more positive premise is to always be prepared to change—and always be prepared to give your 100 percent to the relationship. Your partner deserves nothing less.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.