“I tell
you that anyone who divorces his
wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
— MATTHEW 19:9 (NRSV)
Scripture passages on divorce can appear to
be a ‘lucky dip’ (or a mine field) for the uninitiated – or even the veteran
expositor – because of the ethical dimensions involved. That is, to mention the
various vagaries of application – for there are so many cases for a single
theology to fit.
Firstly, there are the commonly accepted four schools on the continuum of acceptability of divorce and
remarriage: from strictest (no divorce, no remarriage) to the most lenient
(both divorce and remarriage acceptable in a variety of circumstances).
What is God’s will, though?
It’s clearly that there is no divorce. But,
considering that both the circumstances that lead to divorce, and divorce
itself, are sin, it meets with our humanity that we will see cases where there
is a falling short of God’s perfect standard. Indeed, no marriage measures up
to God’s perfect standard in any event; but at least intact marriages model
something of the covenant nature of our relationship with God.
When Is It Right To Divorce?
It is foreseeable that a jilted party might
divorce, for it may be the only option for a fresh beginning when there was
never any controlling say regarding reconciliation. There is the precondition
that there has been a sufficient allowance made for both forgiveness of the
aggrieving party and reconciliation. But the jilted party may have been the
perpetrator of marital dissatisfaction, for instance, domestic or family
violence or neglect. Surely the victim of violence has grounds to be the jilted
party. And why should they suffer more by being shunned upon for happiness
within a loving second marriage?
It appears clear, from Matthew 19:9, that a
jilted party can divorce who has experienced the indignity of their mate being
unfaithful. The olive branch of forgiveness is still, however, to be extended, and hope for reconciliation.
There are times when couples have tried
everything and one or both enter despair; perhaps they are this way for years.
Should misery become them indefinitely to the detriment of their children,
family, neighbours and others? Sure, we can sprout “mutual submission” and laud
the blessings of committing to the end, but some couples cannot last the
distance; they are rent and broken from within.
If a person who has divorced, or becomes
divorced, doesn’t have the gift of celibacy (and so many will consider that no
‘gift’ at all) what is to become of them if the church takes a hard line? Do
they not deserve grace – a second chance? Upon their sincere and
marriage-worthy recovery, including a full portion of repentance, shouldn’t
they have that chance at love (again)?
***
A good theology on divorce and remarriage is
difficult to develop. Ethical considerations are so vast. But a compassionate
approach, where there is acknowledgement of sin, and the recognition of truth,
works best. Nobody is beyond God’s grace: forgiveness and the bequeathal of a
second chance.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.
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