AN ISSUE for all couples is this: How do we make a big difference at the right time when the relationship is really
struggling? A more poignant issue for all couples, however, is this: How do we, as individuals, show we love our
partner in meaningful ways every
single day?
Relationships survive on the small things
that 1) are directed toward our partner’s need, and 2) address the issues about
us that annoy our partner. Yes, even in the context of major blowups, these are
the little things.
But little things can be difficult to
shift. They say the devil’s in the detail...
***
They say the
devil’s in the detail,
And that may be
true of contracts,
But love is an
exception to this rule,
Because thoughtfulness attracts.
Thoughtfulness is the demonstration of love
by way of doing the smaller, more detailed things. A person evidences their
love by doing the little things – without complaint, grandeur, or need of
recognition.
How and Why Thoughtfulness Focuses on ‘the Small’
There is no sense to love without
thoughtfulness. In fact, thoughtfulness is a sort of weighed sense of reason,
involving the heart, toward an act of love.
Thoughtfulness focuses on doing the small
things because that’s the character of thoughtfulness – and there’s a plethora
of small things that might be done. I remember a recently separated
father-of-two who boarded with us one night putting our dishes away. Had he
been asked? No way! He was a guest. He not only found where everything went, he
put all the dishes away very early in the morning whilst we were still asleep.
He was so quiet!
Thoughtfulness doesn’t up the ante for its
own pride sake. It raises the bar because it has considered, “How can I bless
him/her.” This addresses ‘why’ thoughtfulness does the small things. It’s
nothing about what it can, of itself, gain. If anything, thoughtfulness wants
nothing for itself.
How does this fit in the context of
marriages and relationships? It should be a rhetorical question.
First and foremost, marriages and couple
relationships ought to be about love – not simply romance. It’s great that
thoughtfulness is thought of as romantic, but that’s not its inspiration. Its
inspiration is blessing – being a blessing to the other. In this way, the
thoughtful person is blessed by God.
***
Relationships survive on the small things
that 1) are directed toward the other partner’s need, and 2) address the issues
that annoy the other partner. Yes, even in the context of major blowups, these
are the little things.
It’s in the small things of life where
thoughtfulness comes to bear. When we do the small things well, the big things
look after themselves, because actually, there are no big things.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.
Acknowledgement:
this article was inspired by Kenny Luck’s video, Men,
How to Begin to Develop a Healthier, Stronger Marriage.
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