I’m sensitive. Depending on who you
are, and whether you see sensitivity as virtuous or not, that’s either a good
thing or a thing to be criticised. And this is okay, for I must still be responsible
for how I steward my sensitivity. I can use it to discern and to care just as
much as I can use it against the forces for good in being hurt and projecting
it. Both possibilities are potent.
There are tangible and unknown
reasons why we feel the sting of rejection. Sometimes there’s a known cause —
we can pin it down to some actual reason. At other times, we have no idea. We
may not talk about these things, because, quite frankly, they make us
vulnerable to more experiences of rejection. There’s no more debilitating force
than feeling abandoned.
Acceptance, as a state of mind, is
a very powerful force for confidence, empowerment, hope, and the agency that
sees us engage our will to act.
But these kinds of conditions in
life are not steady and reliable — they come and go and often appear elusive.
And the fact that we cannot control these things can be terrifying.
We don’t talk about pornography,
except that most of us here might agree how destructive it is. We don’t use the
word masturbation, and like the other secrets that only we and God know about,
the very matters that could free us hold us. There is so much need for ministry
and healing in this area, but there is even more shame that holds us bound to
our sin. If only we talked about it and trusted God and those others we can
trust, we could find ways of breaking past the bondage. With certainty.
Grief is another thing we don’t
readily talk about. It’s a taboo subject. Many people know that many people
need to hear important messages about it, but the sharing of real and raw
experiences can polarise us. Sometimes there’s an outpouring of sympathy, but
there’s usually silence. People learn not to raise the matter.
Anxiety and depression, much like
grief, are also avoided, as much because of the fear these conditions breed. As
if they might be contagions. Many people would rather smear a veneer of
happiness over themselves as they embark upon their day. To maintain mental
health control is like a minimum living standard. We want at least that much
for ourselves and those we care about.
Death is something that has an
allure all its own. We’re all screaming along the course of history toward that
fateful day, never imagining we could wring more out of life if only we viewed
our lives more in the context of our deaths. Death is a teacher. But many do
not get over the fear of it. They may feel immobilised if the subject is
raised.
We don’t talk about suffering, but many
do talk about the victory won having suffered ‘well’. Like everything else,
Christians especially don’t like to meander in the liminal space of extreme
discomfort. But the therapy is in the
talking. And if we avoid talking it’s for our own comfort, when there are many
who need comfort who could do with the comfort that talking about it would
avail to them.
We fill our brains with all sorts
of nonsense, even if some of it is good. We all have our biases and prejudices,
pet peeves and hobby horses. We live in a world more and more able to placate
our own voice to feed our biases. And division in society is pregnant, and it
ultimately gives birth to war. But we don’t talk about these things because
we’re so inebriated in our own versions of some kind of final solution. Life is
rarely as simple as we imagine, even in plain dimensions.
Do we ever step back and ask
ourselves what our regrets later in life will be?
What conversations could we be
having that may bring freedom and simply involve a little courage?
Have we said these things lately: I love you. I trust you. Are you okay…
really? You can trust me not to judge you. Tell me more about that. Would it be
okay for me to just sit with you? Do you fear I might feel uncomfortable? What
you say doesn’t change my view of you. I admire your courage!
All these things communicate that
we accept the person before us unconditionally. It’s the greatest gift any
human being can give or receive. Such is the love of God.
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