Acceptance, rejection and other things we don’t talk about

I’m sensitive. Depending on who you are, and whether you see sensitivity as virtuous or not, that’s either a good thing or a thing to be criticised. And this is okay, for I must still be responsible for how I steward my sensitivity. I can use it to discern and to care just as much as I can use it against the forces for good in being hurt and projecting it. Both possibilities are potent.

There are tangible and unknown reasons why we feel the sting of rejection. Sometimes there’s a known cause — we can pin it down to some actual reason. At other times, we have no idea. We may not talk about these things, because, quite frankly, they make us vulnerable to more experiences of rejection. There’s no more debilitating force than feeling abandoned.

Acceptance, as a state of mind, is a very powerful force for confidence, empowerment, hope, and the agency that sees us engage our will to act.

But these kinds of conditions in life are not steady and reliable — they come and go and often appear elusive. And the fact that we cannot control these things can be terrifying.

We don’t talk about pornography, except that most of us here might agree how destructive it is. We don’t use the word masturbation, and like the other secrets that only we and God know about, the very matters that could free us hold us. There is so much need for ministry and healing in this area, but there is even more shame that holds us bound to our sin. If only we talked about it and trusted God and those others we can trust, we could find ways of breaking past the bondage. With certainty.

Grief is another thing we don’t readily talk about. It’s a taboo subject. Many people know that many people need to hear important messages about it, but the sharing of real and raw experiences can polarise us. Sometimes there’s an outpouring of sympathy, but there’s usually silence. People learn not to raise the matter.

Anxiety and depression, much like grief, are also avoided, as much because of the fear these conditions breed. As if they might be contagions. Many people would rather smear a veneer of happiness over themselves as they embark upon their day. To maintain mental health control is like a minimum living standard. We want at least that much for ourselves and those we care about.

Death is something that has an allure all its own. We’re all screaming along the course of history toward that fateful day, never imagining we could wring more out of life if only we viewed our lives more in the context of our deaths. Death is a teacher. But many do not get over the fear of it. They may feel immobilised if the subject is raised.

We don’t talk about suffering, but many do talk about the victory won having suffered ‘well’. Like everything else, Christians especially don’t like to meander in the liminal space of extreme discomfort. But the therapy is in the talking. And if we avoid talking it’s for our own comfort, when there are many who need comfort who could do with the comfort that talking about it would avail to them.

We fill our brains with all sorts of nonsense, even if some of it is good. We all have our biases and prejudices, pet peeves and hobby horses. We live in a world more and more able to placate our own voice to feed our biases. And division in society is pregnant, and it ultimately gives birth to war. But we don’t talk about these things because we’re so inebriated in our own versions of some kind of final solution. Life is rarely as simple as we imagine, even in plain dimensions.

Do we ever step back and ask ourselves what our regrets later in life will be?

What conversations could we be having that may bring freedom and simply involve a little courage?

Have we said these things lately: I love you. I trust you. Are you okay… really? You can trust me not to judge you. Tell me more about that. Would it be okay for me to just sit with you? Do you fear I might feel uncomfortable? What you say doesn’t change my view of you. I admire your courage!

All these things communicate that we accept the person before us unconditionally. It’s the greatest gift any human being can give or receive. Such is the love of God.