Hashtag ‘I was blamed’ is trending

There is a new hashtag trending on Twitter — #iwasblamed.  It is was started by Dr Jessica Taylor of the UK who, over the past over ten years, has written a book which has only just now released called, “Why Women Are Blamed for Everything.”

The sincere wish of Dr Taylor is that women and girls would have the public square to discuss their experiences of having been victim-blamed.

Here are just some of a selection of tweets:

A Catholic Bishop told a woman to “be careful about making accusations that could ruin a man’s life.”  That’s something any of us can imagine hearing.  And imagine if you’d been raped by such a man.  At 13.  Imagine only uttering it eight years later.  And to someone who should be an advocate against sexual violence; a priest!

In another account, a 14-year-old girl was harangued by the media for ‘ditching’ her abuser who suicided.  He was 22.  And she was quoted as his “girlfriend” in the subheading.

Another woman said, “My abuser tried to kill me and then shot himself.  He was called lovesick and I was the heartbreaker.”

Another said, “The criminal trial #iwasblamed for freezing when I was raped.  In the civil case #iwasblamed for drinking too much.”

All these above are not hard to fathom.  We know they occur.  But what about this: “#iwasblamed and gaslighted by my ex boyfriend when I was groped on the tube.  Despite that my family still loved him [I have heard this sort of thing so often!]. He said: “You sure you weren’t imagining it,” “You think all men are evil,” and “You tar all men with the same brush.”  In my relating with normal life, let alone counselling, I’ve heard and I’ve seen these things happen so often to women.

Other quotes include:

#iwasblamed for not tidying the house well enough” (complete with photo with black eye)

“Shouldn’t have got so drunk that you feel asleep in his bed.”

“Why did you stay at the same house if you didn’t have full intention of sleeping with him?”

“Must be lying because you didn’t report it.”

“You should have tried harder to stop him.”

“My ex-partner broke into my house and assaulted me.  Social services suggested I ‘try not to argue with him in future’ if I didn’t want it to happen again.  We hadn’t argued.”

“#iwasblamed when a guy broke into my house and threatened me with a knife.  My boyfriend said he saw him run away and thought I knew him and was cheating on him.  Police believed him and blamed me saying I was lying to cover being caught out.  A year later the same man broke in again and raped me.”

The list goes on, of course.

I have deliberately left some of the more hard-core tweets off here out of respect for all women and people who could be triggered, especially around accounts involving PornHub.

These are all just a sample.  Please support all people who have a claim of violence done against them, especially women.

Having grown up as a boy and having become a man, now with over 30 years as an adult, I can tell you from personal experience, I’ve heard victim-blaming of women (not to mention the sexual innuendos and other harassments) routinely.