One of the great things about the present time—but one that frustrates the heck out of a lot of people—is we’re living in a more nuanced time, where truths we once just accepted that were more or less true, but just occasionally were not, are being challenged.
While these truths, like, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” do apply a lot of the time, for a good many cases such a maxim does a great deal of harm.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” actually harms those for whom struggles are crushing. It’s a victim-blaming exercise for those who are crushed under the weight of their circumstances.
Like, some situations do feel like they’re killing us.
Just the same, however, crises ARE the catalyst for much change. I know in my own life there have been times when I’ve been forced to change—times when without great pressure I would not have changed.
Pressure does transform us, but occasionally it crushes us under its weight.
People should not be victimised if they’re crushed under the weight of their circumstances; they ought to be supported and encouraged. That way they have a chance of ultimately responding to the pressure in effective ways—without the use of cliches.
When it comes to mental health challenges, it would be fairer to say there are a plethora of dimensions to be considered, and that anyone who feels they ‘know it all’ is probably vocally ignorant of what they do not yet know, yet at least somewhat knowledgeable about what they do know.
I know as a writer on these and other topics I will have inevitably not covered every nuance, and the sad fact is, there are those that my views haven’t represented.
When it comes to the nuances of mental health in a highly nuanced age, where more than ever everyone’s got a voice—and everyone’s experience is ever so slightly different—it’s important we recognise that one-size-fits-all answers are often no longer universally palatable and perhaps never were.
The good news is that cliches are no longer good enough. Cliches don’t prove care, they indicate otherwise, a flippant regard. Thank God we live in an age where pat answers that are damaging to some are more on the outer than ever.
A far better way would be to imagine with curiosity and an open heart and mind the uniqueness of each manifestation of mental health, preferring wonder and an insistence that we don’t know it all, that we’re teachable, over feeling like we know when we may not know.
Like, “Teach me what it’s like to feel like you do at present.” That’s certainly how counsellors typically go about interactions with people who come to them for help.
More and more in the present and foreseeable future, we’ll do less harm and provide more help simply by remaining open to what we still do not know. More help and less harm are done when we approach mental health situations prepared to learn, no matter how much we supposedly know.
Empathy and humility, borne out in listening and holding space, are perhaps the most important features of a help that actually helps.
Photo by Emma Simpson on Unsplash
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