Leader, you’re not always right

In my first article—Parent, you’re not always right—I described a situation where a conflict occurred in our household, and the moral to that story was it took someone brave enough to intervene, to BE the circuit-breaker, to intervene in speaking the truth in love, to inspire a redemptive action—a peacemaking conversation—so that justice could be done; a more powerful person (me, the father) apologising to a less powerful person (my son) because it was right and just to do so.

Power dynamics are always where conflict runs awry.

In a perfect world there would be no power differential and there would certainly be no misuse of power.  In a perfect fallen world, it would be great if the powerful always had the humility and courage to honour the truth wherever and however they fail the less powerful—to always respect the power differential and to never misuse their power.

I want to focus here on the three roles highlighted in the first article:

1.             The powerful person who wrongs the less powerful person

2.             The less powerful person who is wronged

3.             The bystander who bears truthful witness to the wrong that was done

In all conflict situations, and certainly in many issues of abuse, especially where there’s been attempts made to glean justice for the wrongs done, there is the bystander.  This person who knows what has been done enables abuse when they stand-by and do nothing in the face of what would otherwise be a great opportunity to broker reconciliation.

Peacekeepers are not peacemakers.  Peacekeepers will stand by and do nothing.  Peacemakers will speak the truth and they keep lines open for reconciliation because they speak their truth in love.

At the very least, a person needs to trust that their calling another to account—presuming they know both well enough to care—might just be enough to cause them to repent.  Their obligation is to try.

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Finally, as the article title suggests, leaders aren’t always right, and therefore shouldn’t always behave as if they are—that they always have the right of the final word.  Besides, what really sets the great leaders apart from the also-rans is their ability to graciously deal with those who are wrong.  The best leaders lift people, yes, that’s all people, especially those who are under them in terms of power.

The best of leaders routinely stand in the gap where there is a lack of respect to restore the balance of dignity that’s lacking.  It’s a positively regal quality of the inspiring leader that we’re all called to aspire to; to be a leader everyone would want to not only follow but to be genuinely associated with. 

But what’s most important to recognise is the leader is not always right.

Even if they have the loudest voice, and can drown out every other cry for justice, they’re not vindicated because they have a megaphone in their hand and others don’t.

That’s what happens in abuse situations as the leader uses their superior leverage to “DARVO” and gaslight the weaker party to make of them a nemesis.

In effect, this selfish leader uses their influence for their own gain and to further protect themselves from being held accountable for their contemptable actions that has further deprived the one with less power recourse to the power that might vindicate them to a worthy justice.

And there is always the enabler/s who avail to the selfish leader safe avenue to corrupt power.

The greatest temptation of a leader or anyone in a position of power is with those people and in those situations where they could get away with injustice.

The heart of the leader is what counts in those situations.  How they use their influence, how they deal with people and situations, is paramount, because not only is nothing done in private or in secret, it is reprehensible to do injustice with blatant intent.

Everything will be exposed.  So it is best to confess it now while we can.

But clearly exposure doesn’t threaten those who believe they’re beyond such vulnerability.  Leaders can feel they’re perfectly justified to adjudicate matters, and those that do also ensure there’s no recourse to review.

The leader who can hold tensions and always abide by what is right, including repairing relational situations where they’ve been wrong, are the only true leaders.

The bystander is either an enabler of justice or injustice.  It’s up to each of us in this role to be committed to speaking the truth while doing so in ways that promotes reconciliation.

NOTE: this is general advice, and it’s no statement about leaders in my context.