Bullies always work in twos

I saw it again today plain as day, three kids, two against one.  It was subtle, about as subtle as a sledgehammer, really.  But still, to uneducated eyes it comes across as, “There’s something wrong with you,” when it’s actually clearest that there’s, “Something wrong with them.”

The scenario I saw was easier to see because it involved kids.  When adults ‘play’, or when kids are pathological, it gets murky.  Who am I fooling?  All bullying is pathological.

Why?  Because it’s intentional, and we know it’s intentional because it’s repeated.  The behaviour isn’t just nasty once off and then, “Let’s be friends,” or “Oh, I’m sorry for my unkindness.”  No, it’s repetitive, continual, a pattern of horrid behaviour.

Time and again, targets of bullying are held in the sights of the malevolent.  And whether it’s two bullies or just one with an enabler doesn’t matter.  Two against one is generally how it rolls.

The enabler plays an important role either egging the bully on, covering for them, or by playing favourites so the bullied have genuine cause to doubt it’s bullying—much to the extent that the bullied person feels “it’s my fault.”

This way, the bully sets their heart to get into their target’s mind.

Bullies never work alone.  Imagine a bully without support in some way—whether that support is active or passive is inconsequential.  The bully doesn’t have the gumption required to attack one for one, unless there’s a decided power imbalance, and yet when there’s a power imbalance, it’s more likely they’ll draw support from those who don’t want to upset the applecart.

So you can see the cowardice in the bully—they don’t compete on equal terms.  There is always the need to guarantee the win.  And because they’re inherently malicious, when the bullied person will settle for any semblance of peace, the bully is still busy scheming.  To interact on equal terms is far too much of a threat to the bully, because they’re so full of fear.

There’s no rest for the bullied, and this is a huge problem, because anxiety becomes them even in the absence of the bullying or the bully.  The bully ensures there is NO rest for their target.

Changing the dynamics is important for the person being bullied.

The bully needs a somewhat static target.  Changing environments is key when things get toxic.  No plant grows in a poisonous garden, and we human beings are the same.

We cannot grow in places where our bodies sense the tension of an attack that always comes by surprise.  Not only can we not grow, so often we cannot survive.

We may ask ourselves, “What on earth motivates the bully to behave so reprehensibly?”  It bamboozles us.  And we can be thankful if it does.  If there’s no capacity in us to deal spitefully then that’s a very good thing.

Bullies always work in twos, whether by number or pressure or power.  They always work the advantages but blessed are any of us that never do.

The only way to live the right life is by never insisting on the advantages, but by working to enable those who are disadvantaged to get advantage.  Whenever we do this, God confirms this as right in our hearts.  Better to be the bullied than be the bully, always, but better when we stand alongside the bullied so they know they have a friend.