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Saturday, March 5, 2011

Resolving Resentment By Finding Emotional Sanctuary


Covert is the slinking presence of resentment, and for the person not usually given to such a disposition, this is how it will enter. Only after several days does a pattern make itself known, and not only to ourselves, but it’s others calling us to change too.

Resentment is about unheard or unheeded emotions.

It is true that even the ‘well-adjusted’ mature person falls for it.

Resentment’s Not Fair on Others

Resentments are always known by their non-truth. If they cannot stand up to scrutiny, and still insist on being held, then it’s resentment—a road paved in the mire to nowhere good.

Of course, we might think that life’s hard and duly unfair, but think of the people on the receiving end of us—the ones putting up with our slovenly presence. They’ll not want to be around us, despite even—in the case of family—their love for us.

But there’s no running away. They have to contend with someone not seeing a nice world; and in spite of the complexities and injustices of this world, there is always good to see.

So, resentment is not fair on others.

Resentment’s Not Fair on Us

The above builds to this; for all our complaining and sullen demeanour, we’re building a reputation for ourselves that’s not lightly improved upon.

Regret is our likely outcome, and besides the cringing apology we’re not getting away with it. People might forgive us, but they won’t forget how we acted, especially if it’s repeated again and again.

Our only way out of this mess—and the creating of better perceptions about us from others—is to resolve it once and for all.

Finding Sanctuary for the Emotions

One clever way of addressing the provocation of resentment, besides finding the truth and accepting unchangeable status quos, is to find our own quiet corner of the soul—and possibly a physical place and time—and spend time talking with God about it.

This is simply about giving ourselves a spiritual buffer; to provide for spiritual maintenance. We need to find a friend who will hear. God is that friend.

Space is a thing we all have according to choice.

Even the busiest amongst us can find ways of getting personal space with God. It becomes a choice. How it’s done is entirely up to us.

This way we both hear and heed our emotions—which is everything of what we think about and how we feel about that. This is our values deeper within getting their basis known to us, for we cannot repress them.

Time for congruence is important. This way we can both affirm who we are, represented by our deeper values, and how we’re to ameliorate the resentful situations contending for ours and others’ peace.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

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