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TRIBEWORK is about consuming the process of life, the journey, together.

Monday, December 29, 2014

5 Ways to Help Your Man or Woman Love You

Enduring questions of life there are, and one of the best for a woman is “how do I keep my man interested in me?” We’ve all heard how the guy is in it for the ‘thrill of the chase’ and how women should ‘treat ‘em mean to keep ‘em keen’.
It seems to me that men are fascinated by a mystery: the woman he doesn’t know, who is still an enigma, in his midst. But women are also intrigued by such things. The difference seems to be the innate difference in the psychology that sets men and women apart.
Men seem to be drawn to adventure on the one hand and rest on the other. Mixing those together, we have recreation. Most men are quite hands-on physically. Recent trends, however, place women closer to men in these ways than ever. But women want substance in their men. The opposite could also be said; but in different ways.
Perhaps more than ever the genders are equal.
Given that relationships of the romantic kind normally only have a natural romance lasting six or twelve months typically, every relationship needs much attention, care, intention, and commitment to continue on through the important sustaining phase: loving companionship.
Loving companionship is what holds spousal relationships together. Both give to the other. Both enjoy the fellowship of the other, despite ugly differences that cause disputes and conflict. But isn’t an argument the spice of marriage? – Especially the making up part.
5 Ways Loving Companionship is Achieved
1.     Whatever he or she’s interested in, so long as it’s healthy, ought to be encouraged. The opposite also fits – unhealthy pursuits ought to be raised and discussed honestly. There has to be room for tolerating and encouraging healthy pursuits of passion. Even better if they can be shared together. If one partner is involved in or encourages the other’s pursuits there is a good chance of reciprocation occurring.
2.     Wanting to be together, and also allowing healthy time alone, inspires a safety that all companionate relationships thrive on. Time alone allows the kindling of thought for the other. One worry is if they want to spend excessive time with their friends. As always an encouraging of balance (time with partner, time alone, time with friends) should be appreciated.
3.     The physical relationship is generally important to him. It may or may not be for her. If sex is important for him and it’s not for you, try to engage him in discussion to see if a compromise can be reached, and so you can be understood. If he understands you, there will be much less pressure. If you are the one who enjoys sex more than he does, be patient and experiment with his mood. It’s not about what you do or don’t do; like you, it’s about the mood he’s in.
4.     You might be the sort of person who loves being encouraged with words. If you are, and he’s not overly communicative, try and not let it affect your self-esteem. The problem’s with him, not you. But it’s not his fault if he’s trying. If he’s the one who seeks to be affirmed by you, encourage him when it’s healthy for him to hear it.
5.     Gifts are important in all companionate relationships of the romantic kind. You might enjoy flowers, and he may not give many. It’s best not to be frustrated because gifts must come from the heart. It’s no good complaining about his thoughtlessness. It would be better to give him the occasional thoughtful gift and hope it’s a model for him to follow. Again, pressure around gift-giving will only degrade the relationship.
Being a faithful companion, always interested in maintaining the relationship, is what most partners want in their partner.
© 2014 S. J. Wickham.

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