When stakes are high and stress is at its peak,
The conversation needs Mutual Purpose and Respect.
It needs at least one party to be
committed to being meek,
If a good outcome is anything either is to collect.
If a good outcome is anything either is to collect.
***
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has
taken place.”
— GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson et al,
harnesses important information on how to understand why crucial conversations
usually go south.
Simply put, when
the stakes are high and opinions are opposed and divided, strong emotions are
elicited and sides polarise and protect themselves; trust diminishes because
respect plummets. The higher the stakes are, and the more divided the opinions,
the worse the outcome is likely to be, but it doesn’t need to be that way.
If we have any
interest in good relational outcomes, and we should, we will want to ensure we
communicate that we believe mutual purpose and mutual
respect are the foundation for negotiating crucial conversations.
Communicating a
Commitment to Mutual Purpose
It’s vitally
important that a common purpose can be established, and it’s possible, even
when opinions and goals vary a lot. Finding some commonality in purpose, and
communicating an understanding of their purpose, promotes a sense for safety
where the other party can relax knowing we have their back. The primary reason this
feeling of safety is so important is for the maintenance of trust; that we are
working with an ally notwithstanding our differences.
When people know
we care about their concerns we are halfway to an environment free of anger, hurt
and fear.
Communicating a Heart
for Mutual Respect
When we not only
communicate a commitment to mutual purpose, that we care for their concerns, but we also communicate
a heart for mutual respect, that we care for
them, we give them room and reason to debunk their defensiveness.
When we
communicate we care for someone we see their defences are down and they are
truly able to be honest.
Only when people
know we care for what they care for and that we actually care for them will
they trust us enough to be open to logic that runs against their view.
***
Being serious
about negotiating with people means we will care about what’s important for
them and we will care about them, too.
We cannot forge
a way we are convinced is best until we have fully engaged with the counter
arguments.
© 2014 S. J. Wickham.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.