Men and Women, Ridicule is Killing Us

I’m egalitarian. No surprise there if you read any of my thoughts. I’m a passionate believer in the ideal that men and women are equally important and capable in any role, leadership or otherwise. I believe that inherent in humanity—because both women and men bear the image of God—is material equivalent for the purposes of God. I believe God made humanity equal.

But I also recognise that we live in a divided world. Geopolitically, economically, sociologically, and theologically; just four realms where the factions are seemingly never more popularised and polarised.

Egalitarianism has its opposite in complementarianism. (You may already be bored at my use of ‘isms’.)

Let me get practical: at the sharp end of both poles we may encounter such advocacy that egalitarians ridicule men (or the women who are complementarian) and complementarians ridicule women (or the men who are egalitarian).

Clearly the ridicule gets us nowhere
other than more frustrated or ‘I gotcha’.

The lack of respect shown may deliver social media traction and attention, but it just further distances us from an elegant solution God has in mind.

MEN HAVE A PROBLEM

I read in recent article by a woman domestic violence researcher that we’re making things worse, and not better, in this #MeToo age, by further shaming men when men have enough to deal with.

As I read the article, in honest dialogue with myself, I really had to appreciate what the author was saying. Only this morning I experienced afresh a sense of humiliation that I believe men are particularly susceptible to experiencing. This is not to say that women can’t be humiliated, but I think it is poignant that men are particularly prone to a specific form of shame, and when men are shamed it takes them into a dark place relationally—violence often results.

The author of this article mentions more than once that men generally fear the idea that women might laugh at them. Men also feel susceptible to attacks from other men. The author of the article genuinely wants to find out what is needed to halt the surge in domestic violence. And she acknowledges we’re getting nowhere if we don’t attempt to understand how we can help men.

Now, if we believe that it is a hopeless case, and that men can’t be helped and can’t change, we might as well give up now, and accept the diabolically unacceptable statistics.

The best way to get the most out of a man, generally speaking, is to give him the respect due any capable human being. He is worthy of appreciation, of tenderness, of kindness and compassion.

We must empathise with the plight men find themselves in, whilst also finding ways to aggressively target recalcitrant men (through focused you-change-or-we-will-help-you-change Policing).

WOMEN HAVE A PROBLEM

If men have a problem, and we can agree that it is shame, we may easily postulate that women have a problem, and agree that women, too, hate being the subject of ridicule by men.

Surely shame can’t simply be the cause of the problem for men and not for women.

Can we just agree that shame is just as big a driver for women, whilst also agreeing that the causes and effects of shame in women are different to the causes and effects of shame in men?

I know so many women who are incredibly capable, and just yesterday I was reminded of an innate capacity that several women have that this man does not have and will never have. Women, for my mind, have more stickability than men, because, in my humble opinion, there is less privilege driving entitlement in women, generally speaking. (I recognise my own male privilege coming out in situations where women might say, ‘Come on, let’s just get on with it’.) Women are not just helpers; they are definitely leaders as good as any man.

I said it about men, now let me say the same thing about women: the best way to get the most out of a woman, generally speaking, is to give her the respect due any capable human being. She is worthy of appreciation, of tenderness, of kindness and compassion.

We must empathise with the plight women find themselves in, and encourage them to achieve whatever they feel they’re called to achieve.

~

So where does this leave us?

Might we achieve more with men if women empathised more? And if men who were advocates for women’s rights were a little kinder to men with different views.

Might we achieve more with women if men empathised more?  And if women who were advocates for men’s rights were a little kinder to women with different views.

Could it be that we just need to start the process in faith?

We may achieve more in our advocacy if we learn to work together, appreciating the heart and hidden drivers, the real interests, in the person we just don’t understand.

One day we will all meet God, and we can expect to be asked, “What did you do with your life, and how did you love me and others?” And, of course, God will already know the answer, and so, of course, will we!

It’s ironic that women are at increased risk to domestic violence when men feel ridiculed. As men and women, we all need more of us to stand up and speak graciously yet firmly into the injustices that happen all the time.

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash