The Test of Character is Not Challenge but Context

Nothing is torched quicker than reputation. That which is under attack is character. I have endured loss several times, yet, for me at least, nothing is a patch on the loss experienced when your character is assailed.

“Before we determine character from behaviour,
we must consider context.”— Dr Stephen Lennox

Like probably you, I used to be a subscriber of the wisdom that suggests that a person’s true character emerged under the pressure of testing. Today I am not so sure.

There have been times in my life where I have conquered major challenges, including loss, without stumbling, and have even grown as a result of such a character test.

But there have also been times in my life when, under the strain of major challenge, I have stumbled and fallen; even to the point where I have been ashamed of these failures. And it has taken me a long time to realise this:it is not challenge that is the sole test of the character, but it is context.

It is all the facets of the situation, in concert, that need to be taken into account.

Let me put two situations before you; two circumstances that I have been in.

The first was coming into a new church situation, a broken man who had just lost his marriage. In this season I certainly felt tested. I was being tested. The church did not know me from a bar of soap. Only as I looked back was I aware that I was being tested. In trying to determine my character they gave me every chance to succeed, even if it was hard for me to break through. There were enough people there who were for me, which counterbalanced what I discerned were the number of people against me, who were yet to be won over, who just needed more time to get to know me. Even though my character was being tested, I felt I had been tested in a fair and reasonable way. How did they know they could trust me? But they also knew they were obligated in Christ to love me. Indeed, I felt the disciplining of the Lord in this!

The second situation, without going into too much detail, involved the circumstance of antagonism. I definitely felt goaded as I look back, even if I couldn’t detect what their motives were beforehand. It was like I was being set up and there wasn’t the component of care present like in the first situation. This is very emblematic of the schoolyard situation where the bully pushes the good kid too far, and just as the teacher turns around, the bully is shoved to the floor. So, what did the teacher see? Who do they punish? This is how abusers use gaslighting so effectively. They anticipate that there will be negative response, and, with purposeful and agile strategy, they maximise the injury to the unknowing victim.

The level of unknowing is the key. Survivors of abuse are very often blindsided. They don’t think like abusers do. They’re not malevolent. So, when they are ‘caught out’ emotionally, like something happens they didn’t expect, they can quite easily seem to overreact, which in the circumstance—remember, context—would not be an overreaction. How do you react when you’ve been deceived? Not very well!

The key emblem in victims is one of defence, whilst the key emblem within the abuser is attack. The victim doesn’t anticipate being attacked, but the abuser is always prepared to mount a defence.

~

The main point of this article is that there is more to character than a single event or even a seemingly connected series of events.

The key test of character is not the presence of a major challenge, which are the circumstances for which any of us could fail. Push any of us too far and what’s the result?

The key test of character is context. It does not matter how strong our character is if we find ourselves in a ‘character test’ where there is no love nor compassion—i.e. in abusive situations, most of us most of the time will respond poorly. Of course, there are people who do not care about love or compassion. This article is about those who do genuinely care about and need to receive both love and compassion. And yet, here’s another complexity: there are people who seem to care a great deal that love and compassion go their way, without appreciating that others need it just as much.

Whenever someone’s character is being tested remember first what they’re suffering.

Compassion for the person enduring the test will go a long way toward their meeting their challenge.

Be careful not to judge a person for failing their test if you don’t know exactly what they’re dealing with. To know and to understand is empathy.

Photo by Vlad Tchompalov on Unsplash