Oh, so I wish this subject never came up, especially for the children, but it’s fifty percent eventually nowadays. Men, I’ve been there. Heartbroken, confused, and even if we have been narcissistic, there is still hope if we can be repentant (but, of course, the truly narcissistic person will not recover).
Did you notice a connection I made for you there, men? Be repentant and recover. If you don’t give way to what God is now revealing, there is no hope for you and your children. If you care for yourself and for your kids, you will relent, you will endeavour to soften your heart, and to begin to lead how you should always have led. It’s not too late to turn.
Indeed, the invitation is just that. Stop kicking against the goads that look menacing but were placed there by the Spirit of God for your own correction and good.
Trust me on this: give up what you cannot keep, and you will gain what you cannot lose. Truly, I have lived it.
Ensure that you do not make your ex-wife’s life hell any longer. It’s time for you to love her like never before; like how Jesus loves her. No bargaining to get her back or have your own way or manipulate even one thing.
When you begin to get this right, men, you will feel like a loser from a worldly viewpoint. She may look at you and say, “What are you doing giving me more than I want? Why is it you’re behaving like this now? Are you trying to undo me?” Let the words be. Make your actions speak. Stop looking for credit. Be consistent, time and time and time again.
Give your family and marriage up to God and promise to God that you’ll do whatever your Lord wants you to do, no matter the cost.
You may say, “You’re bloody crazy!” It sounds insane. I’m imploring you to give up your agenda. Stop pretending you have control over anything. Accept that your life is and always has been in the lap of God.
What freedom there is when we know how little control we have over life, yet how much control we have to sow goodness.
Respect her no end. For all those failures to love her by disrespecting her, make your covenant before the Lord now, that you will honour her to your dying day—not just because it’ll bless the socks off your kids, but because it’s right to do that. If you can serve this woman that you now say has betrayed you, you can serve anyone, and if you can take your responsibility for the failure of the relationship, all will end up unbelievably better—beyond your concept of imagination.
Cast your hopes on God now, men. Your Lord is truly your only hope. Do it now with all the conviction in you. Seek Godly counsel. Learn as much as you can about how deep and how vast your failure in the relationship has been. The more open you are to learning, the more God will heal you.
Don’t even let your mind go to prospects of the ‘next’ relationship. You’ve got a lot of work in front of you if only you’re honest. Doubt my credibility? I spent three years there, and still there was so much to learn to even be a safe husband for my wife. Don’t jump into that next relationship. You will waste another 5-10 years of your life if you do that, because second and third marriages fail at even higher rates.
Don’t doubt the depths to which God wants to plumb in you. It’s not that you’re a bad seed or anything; it’s just that you do have so much potential, but only when honesty and humility are unplugged and tapped into.
Stop making excuses, men. Stop vacillating in and out of protecting yourself. If you trust God for your protection, that protection is enough. The more open your heart is to the brutality of the truth, the more your heart is soft to receive every nuance of that truth, the deeper God’s Presence will drive down into you and fill your soul.
Live for your kids now, men! Do whatever you can, men, to fall in filial love with each one. Learn how to listen into their every need and hidden wish. Learn to be the heavenly father on earth for these most precious of souls—your kith and kin. And listen to your ex-wife when she speaks to you about your kids.
Pray for your ex-wife that she gets the partner she deserves—one who will be for her like you could have been but weren’t. (Yes, this is a hard ask, but you can do it.) I have prayed this prayer so many times for my ex-wife that it helped me love her as my friend. Do not look in any way to the areas you think she didn’t meet your needs. That thinking will only take you to dark caverns that will lead to even darker actions. Do not insinuate anything in her behaviour or mental or emotional state. Don’t go there. Stay in your patch!
Stay fit, men. Do not let a drop of the demon drink pass your lips or any drug not prescribed by a doctor. Jettison every addiction with every resource available to you. Learn to live in all purity. Stay chaste. God will reward you!
Whatever you do, men, stay alive. Your kids need you. Now more than ever. No matter your dark thoughts, you can never be replaced. Never, ever. Bank on this!
Photo by Bruno Aguirre on Unsplash
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